Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Beginning.....sorta

   Have you ever had one of those ah ha moments? Well that’s what this is. This is me having an ‘a ah’ moment but wishing my ‘ah ha’ moment wasn’t at 2 in the morning and being fueled by a headache the size of Texas. Wow, what the Lord has to do to get us to stop and pay attention or listen to His voice. You may say oh she is just bored or can’t sleep, well I had this same argument with God as I was I lying in bed trying to go back to sleep. It Isn’t funny how arrogant we are sometimes. Like arguing with our Maker? For goodness sake He is the one who spoke us into existence and we sometimes feel the need to be like "um, that’s not the way its supposed to be God.” Wow, I am an idiot sometimes.

  Hmm… where to start? I guess I should start in the midst of Ryan's (my husband) and mine biggest ahha’ moment yet…

  Long long ago in a far away land…not really far but I just always wanted to say that. Every once in a while I am a wee bit known for having a flair for the dramatic. This is what gives me a love for corny high school musicals, whew... Glad I got that off my chest. Confession is good for the soul; back to real life...I'm going to try to be semi serious now-well, Ryan and I were in the midst of what we thought was a “church plant” in nowhere, Kansas. To all our friends and family, I apologize, but I think its time to face the facts. We moved to our nowhere, Kansas not knowing anyone or even why we were really here. We thought we were here because we were supposed to start a church, because we were so awesome and all. Ha, like we were the next Billy Graham or something. Ok lets get these dates up; we moved in the summer of ’08. Wow, seems like forever ago and then it seems like yesterday. It wasn’t until the summer of ’09 that we finally truly obeyed and well really listened to what God’s plan was for us to be in nowhere, Kansas. Yes it took us a year of making fools of ourselves and arguing with God over it before we finally were obedient. While we were here being the next Billy Graham of our choice of the only "right" denomination and way to heaven, God was stirring in us something new, fresh, and quite frankly terrifying. How were we going to tell people that we were not starting their church anymore after they had been supporting us for almost a year. How do we explain about the veil that was lifted from our eyes that God doesn’t need new church buildings but needs the church to be awakened to His Voice and His Kingdom. Not that I think that starting a church is wrong. So, If you are gonna take offense to things like this you prob shouldn’t read any further because I’m just gonna say what I feel and how the Lord speaks to me. Thank you J. I think the rumors started that we were joining a cult; ha. Wow, that hurt and infuriated and humbled us and made us laugh all at the same time. people we love and cared for the most thought we’d gone off the deep end. Maybe we had but I can guarantee if that’s what it was it was God who had to push us over the edge. Praise the Lord! I remember that night; It had been a year since we had moved up and I think we had known for about, oh at least 6 months what we were supposed to do. Oh would we fight, not only God but each other. Lol. Ryan would say something about how God had shown him something or he feels a leading in a certain area and I would tell him he was crazy and sometimes when the Lord started dealing with me as well, I would literally tell him that I didn’t want to here about it. Its funny now to me. I knew what God was doing and I was going to go down without a fight. Reminds me of how Jacob wrestled with God.( I’m not for sure where exactly that is but you are welcome to get a commentary to look it up if you want) boy, did we wrestle. But unlike Jacob we didn’t get it in a night it took us a whole year. The last straw (or thigh bone) broke on a night that we realized that everyone that we had tried to talk to about it had no idea what we were doing and most def didn’t have the faith that we were following God. I remember praying that night and finally saying out loud "not our will but thine," and the answer being clear as day. I also remember thinking ok Lord will you tell these people and those people so that they don’t think we are bumming losers and know that we are following You. Well, God didn’t answer that last one fully, ahmm… and I’m most certain that I do not want to know what some people think of us. But that’s ok because that night at that very moment when we surrendered I had the sweetest and most assured peace that we were for once in our lives finally fully where God wanted us to be. Wow, what a wild ride it has been, terrifying and humbling and exciting but worth it every step of the way. God brought us to nowhere, Kansas to take us away from everyone and everything we loved to teach us how to love Him and live for Him alone. And although we still fail so much, we are learning to source not from the tree of knowledge whether it be good or evil, but we are learning to eat from the tree of life. And guess what?!?, that tree of life is for us and anyone who wants it! Jesus, sweet wonderful Jesus. So this is it, this is our purpose this is our great revelation in His Kingdom. Oh sweet Jesus, how we long for thee!!

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