Recently I was sitting down with a dear sister sharing about my season in life. The Lord had recently moved me in a deeper way to let go of man’s approval that I have always struggled to look for. There have been layers of this I had grown in but this was a new revelation in my heart in season.
I think we all have people that we look up to and care for and even some have wisdom that we can grow from; but I struggle sometimes along the way with putting some people on pedestals (and boy do those pedestals fall); and my own worth and value becomes based on their recognition or approval.
Pitiful.
I know.
{In this moment as I was sharing I had a picture pop into my head. There was a mountain in the distance and then there was Ryan sitting on the ground with this pile of sand. He was peacefully (like a child playing on a beach) building his pile and moving his sand around and there I was with a rope tied around Ryan trying to drag him to the mountain. In my heart I was saying, “Come on, Ryan!! We have to move the mountains to be a part of something bigger. We have to move the mountains for Jesus to belong and to be worthy in our lives and in the lives of others.”
There I was pulling that rope as tight as I could and there was Ryan content peacefully abiding in Jesus without a care in the world for being on anyone’s bulletin board of most righteous for moving mountains for all to see. }
I recognized this feeling immediately. For years the Lord has humbled me. For years I have been jealous at different times of others who seemed to obtain favor of man when we worked hard for the same purposes. I wanted to be seen, to be heard, to have value in the sight of man.
For years I watched Ryan lay down his life and say yes to Jesus and refuse with all that he is to perform for anyone. I’ve had people speak doubt and even tell me that he was just not quite there yet. That what he was doing wasn’t a pastoring because he didn’t get behind a pulpit and preach to people, like there was something that needed to be unleashed in Ryan and we were all waiting.
Ryan was unmoved. He learned to close his mouth unless Jesus spoke, to wait, to listen. I was so frustrated in seasons because I knew the gift and the power of who Ryan is in Jesus and I wanted him to move the mountains. There was so much humbling that happened over the course of the years as we learned to lay down everything that we thought we could do for the Lord and we submitted ourselves to His Kingdom and not our own idea of the kingdom for the church. Ryan gave up his pulpit to sit at the feet of others, sharing life, love, and the testimony of the sweet gospel of Jesus and His Kingdom. But he had to lay down himself first.
Not many people know that Ryan was going to school to be an architect and the Lord told him to lay it down to go into ministry. He was top of his class.
(Met and married me)
He moved to Kansas to plant a church for the denomination that we both grew up in (and that we still love) but the Lord told him what he was calling him to can’t be put into any box. So he laid it down.
Ryan grew a business for 10+ years getting it to a place of success. Starting a construction business in a place where you don’t have roots is hard. It takes time to build clientele. We seen others who were from the area be able to jump start businesses while we spent years building ours and our work speaking for itself; but it did and we were finally booming.
The Lord told him to lay it down, so he did.
Ryan spent 5 years building his family our dream home in his spare time while also working full time to pay our bills. We lived there less than a year and the Lord told him to lay it down, so he did.
Through these seasons we grew a family. We said yes to Jesus. The Lord revealed our heart and His call for our ministry. We led and partnered in several home churches. I seen Ryan shine in Jesus. I seen him exhort his brother. I seen him fall in love with the church and the beauty of intimacy in ministering to the body in these settings. I would set many times in awe of this man who I accused of not wanting to move mountains with me and realized over and over that he was doing the great work of Jesus. He was washing the feet of the disciples of the Lord. He gave up standing in a pulpit to sit at the feet of the sinner(which we all are).
I had viewed both of us for a long time as less than. Because we weren’t on the radar or on the bulletin board of the “greatest.” Because the great obedient work that we were walking in didn’t look like we were moving mountains in the kingdom.
But Ryan was faithful. He was humbled and would humble himself over and over. I’ve seen him sit and talk to people about building science, business smarts, architectural design while wearing flannel shirts and tool belts or dress shirts and pants. I’ve also seen him sit and talk dungeons and dragons to people or science, politics and conspiracy with people. He is the smartest and manliest man I know but also knows how to be gentle and sweet and kind.
He has learned the beauty of this verse-
I Corinthians 9:22b
“I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings.”
I think that somewhere along the way, Ryan learned that His identity is in Jesus. It’s not in his skill or ability to charm people or gather a crowd. His identity is settled in his love for Jesus and his love to share His gospel and be the church.
1 Thessalonians 2:4-9
“For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive, but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed—God is witness. Nor did we seek glory from people, whether from you or from others, though we could have made demands as apostles of Christ. But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.
For you remember, brothers, our labor and toil: we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, while we proclaimed to you the gospel of God.”
I read this word this morning and it hit me in a new way. We have not come to please man but to be partakers in the gospel. I’m thankful for the layers the Lord is peeling from me in helping me grow deeper. And I’m so thankful for Ryan. His steadfastness to sit where the Lord has him and not try to please man and move mountains or to win others by your great works.
So I’m letting go of that rope in a new way and I am going to sit with my man, my partner on this earth and bask in the Glory of King Jesus and His kingdom and play in the sand. We will be obedient to His word and not worry about what others say or think. We will be where the Lord has us and will know even when it looks minuscule to this world when it is in the name of Jesus and for Jesus it is moving mountains in the Kingdom.
So I want to say whether you are a mountain mover or a sand shaker when you are obedient to King Jesus in your life you, my friend, you are doing Kingdom work.
And you can sit with me any day.
And to my dear husband, thank you for being steadfast. Thank you for saying yes to Jesus over and over. Thank you for laying down your life over and over for the glory of King Jesus. Thank you for not trying to live up to anyone’s expectations but King Jesus. Thank you for being you whether you sit at a king’s table or a at a paupers feet. Thank you for dying to yourself daily. Thank you that though you are far from perfect and make mistakes and get cranky and tired, you always always are quick to say sorry and repent.
You are real. You are raw. You are beautiful.
No comments:
Post a Comment