Surrender

                                                       SURRENDER

I have been pondering lately about how surrender can come in waves. 

It is a minute by minute, day by day, week by week of letting go and giving it back to Jesus when a fresh wave comes and knocks us off our feet and our flesh wants to pick it back up and we have to surrender again what we have given to Him.

We surrender our flesh and let Jesus take over after failing and falling

We surrender our souls to the Savior over and over again when that battle that pulls and tugs us tosses us off our feet

We surrender our will to His when it is scary and we want to do what seems safe and easy

We surrender fears to him even though the world and the enemy scream hopelessness to us 

We surrender our doubts, crises, family, unknowns, hopes, failures, dreams, finances, marriage, and all things in between

We surrender as we wait and give up all, recklessly abandoning all our comfort and ease of walking in our own wisdom and timing and what makes since to this age

 

We surrender in the wait

I have found that waiting on Jesus can be one of the hardest things to surrender. It’s not the not knowing IF He will come through, it’s the not knowing how and when that will be; of what we will have to face in the unknown while we wait.  Do you think that is why there are such verses about waiting for us to cling to? Did Jesus know 2000+ years ago that we would have a hard time. Did He know my impatience and frustration for not having the road clearly highlighted before us even as HE willingly laid down all for us.
Did He know in my weakness that I would be frustrated because I said Yes to Him and then I had to wait? Did He know I was so stinking weak? 

Yes, He knew. 

Will He waste it-the waiting? 

No-He will build, refine, and strengthen me in the midst.

Will I forget this and double fist chocolate chips in my mouth out of stress-um..yeah

BUT He will love me anyways…even if my pants get a little tight or I become hormotional and get a little yelly…

I will SURRENDER and come back to Jesus and give Him the weight I’m trying to bare on my own.. 

You see, I know that HE is a good Father and is always waiting with open arms to envelope me in the best and biggest daddy hug there is, If only I surrender and choose to wait on Him instead of making a mess on my own. 

There is so much surrender that comes in waiting but there are so many promises that come too

“Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint .”

                        Why is waiting so hard? Why is it so hard to Be Still?

                      Are you waiting? Surrendering? Eating chocolate by the fistfull?

Jesus, teach us to be still and wait on you. Not just for a miracle or a word or even deliverance. But let us be still and wait because you are so much better than all else. Your presence is better than all the good things you bring. King Jesus, we wait and sit at your feet because we don't want to be anywhere else but in Your Love and Presence. ALmighty God, you are worth it all-the good, the hard, and the wait.

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusted in Thee!”

Lord, stay our mind on Thee-no matter the season, hard, beating waves, gas prices, or tantrum toddlers. Your name is Peace and may Your name be always on our lips.

Idaho update-

In case you missed the theme in season- We are waiting. hahaha

We have just finished our house that we live in(besides a few touch ups when we move out. HELLO 7 kids) and have been watching the market in the northern panhandle region that we feel stirred toward.  The Lord has made some amazing connections to parts of the body and to people who have the same heart and call as us. We’ve had many words of encouragement and pictures and promises shared to us by the body we are around now. 

So we are taking all these words and encouragements and writing them on our hearts as we WAIT and SURRENDER for the Lord and trust His provisions. We have watched the market and even put bids on a few places but every time have kept our hands open to Him. We want more than anything what He wants for us.  He has protected us thus far. Ryan finishes his last job here sometime the end of July/beginning of August. So our plan is if nothing comes up before then to just drag our camper across the country and live in it until we get a place.

A few prayer request:

-That we would trust Jesus in the waiting. We are ready to go but not knowing if we are going to be living in a camper, a shack, or a house has been kinda nerve racking. The market is about 2-3x more expensive there than here.  So we are starting from the bottom but feel so blessed that we can start at all. He w
ill provide and He is worthy.  We just want to say “here am i, send me” but kinda feel like we need a place to land especially with our Circus following along.  Idaho doesn’t know what’s coming. 

-Our kids. I know that we are all counting the cost. One of the hardest things for me has been trusting Jesus to fill in the gap for our children and all they are leaving behind. They are a part of an incredible group of youth and body that they’ve grownup with, known, and loved all of their lives. Gosh I love these kids—Kids who love Jesus are such a sweet and pure picture of the body. Prayers for them as they walk out these transitions and grow in Jesus in their surrender. 

-Ryan is turning down jobs left and right here because we know the Lord has told us to move. He will be building the business from the ground up in Idaho(Lord willing) to support our family and ministry. This is like a crazy trust exercise. Prayers for provision, wisdom, and placement in this but we know God will work it all out for our good! He has gone before us. He is worthy. 

A Year of New Adventures!

A Year of New Adventures

If you are reading this it is because you’ve invested in our family. You are the Body and family to us; and we treasure you now and will for ages to come!

Happy New Year! Man, what a ride the past couple years have been. We’ve had our own share of hard and our own share of blessing along the way. I’m beginning to realize the hard is often times actually a blessing; or at least that the good Lord works it for our good in the end. We know this… “that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”—Romans 5:3-5

Which leads me to the purpose of this letter.  The Vandenberg's are saying “yes” to King Jesus in a new season of surrender.

Ryan and my heart is to serve the Body of Christ. We moved up to Kansas almost 14 years ago to “plant” a church. The Lord did a number on us and shifted how we would walk in this calling. We began our ministry of shepherding and loving the church that was already planted by King Jesus in El dorado, Kansas. The Lord begin to reveal purpose through our surrender as we began to have house church by welcoming the body into our home with a desire to be a safe place for people to come rest, retreat, and be rejuvenated in Jesus. 

As we began to grow in the surrender to King Jesus’ purpose for our lives, we began to pray about our desire to purchase land. About 5 years ago, while we were praying about our desire to buy land, the Lord spoke the word En Gedi to us. En Gedi is an oasis in the dessert near the Dead Sea; a safe place where you can draw life from the natural spring in the middle of the desolation of the wilderness. David sought refuge and hid from Saul in the caves near En Gedi. The Lord began to bring more clarity to the focus of our ministry and desire to buy land as we felt called to be an En Gedi to the Church.

Ryan’s heart and desires have always been to steward a piece of land for our family to homestead away from the chaos of the city. Our hearts have craved an En Gedi and that word from the Lord gave purpose to the longing in our hearts to buy land. So since that day about 5 years ago we have been praying for our En Gedi and asking the Lord where He wanted En Gedi to be. We’ve been around long enough to know that plans set apart from God’s purposes are just plans.  We want the plans and purpose the Lord has for us. 

In December, 2020 we had taken a trip to unwind after a particularly hard year (2020 am right?!?). On the way back from that trip Ryan was praying about En Gedi and he felt the Lord say that our En Gedi wasn’t in Kansas. What?! The shock! I mean, King Jesus brought us here 14 years ago and we assumed it was for good.  

Fast forward about 7 or 8 months, Ryan had been secretly praying all this time about where the Lord wants our En Gedi to be. I on the other hand was completely unaware that our comfortable world was about to be rocked. Kansas has become home and family and where the Lord has placed us in the body of Christ.

Well… Ryan begins to mention to me that he doesn't think En Gedi is in Kansas and asks me to pray about where it is. You see, he had been praying and to his surprise the word “Idaho” kept coming to mind every time he prayed. Ryan knew nothing about Idaho and was still in shock when he asked me to begin praying.  He laid a fleece before the Lord that if “Idaho” was really from Him, He would reveal it to me also. So Ryan starts asking me to pray about where our En Gedi is supposed to be. Me, being the good disciple that I am, answer by saying “No, I don’t want to move further away.” He gets serious and tells me I need to pray.  A little time goes by and he asks me if I had been praying. I immediately tell him no and in my snarky submissive way(Lord, have mercy) I say what? Is it Colorado? No. Montana? No. Alaska? No. (All the states  Ryan has mentioned wanting to move too in the past). Then I say, “Is it Idaho?” He answers, “No. Why would you say that?! Quit guessing; I want you to sincerely pray about it.”

So basically he lied. Such good disciples we are…

A week goes by and he asks me again if I have been praying about En Gedi. I say no. In all truth I just wasn’t ready to think about it, let alone pray about it. Ryan began to get frustrated and tells me how serious this is and that I need to pray about it. 

I look him dead in the eyes and I know… I just say, “It’s Idaho isn’t it.” 

I know.

I didn’t ask.

Our Father speaks even when we don’t know if we are ready to hear or listen. 

We both sit in shock with tears running down our cheeks. We are sober, a little in awe, and scared. We decide not to tell the kids just yet. Our oldest three kids know Jesus and we wanted them to hear from the Lord as well. So we lay the fleece before the Lord, again, together this time. We asked our oldest three, to pray about where our En Gedi was suppose to be. A few weeks go by and one morning I’m sitting on the porch with Emma and Eli. Eli starts asking me questions about how far way our En Gedi is. I tell him he needs to pray and ask the Lord. He then says just out of the blue, “Is it Idaho?” It stops me in my tracks and I ask him why he said that. Eli said it's just the first state that popped in his head. We call Ryan and then tell Eli and Emma not to tell Abby because we want her to hear from the Lord. 

So of course Emma and Eli immediately start quizzing Abby on if she could live anywhere in the world where would she want to live.  Abby starts naming states we have family in and then she pauses and says, “No, wait… If i could live anywhere i’d want to live in Idaho because it’s my favorite state!”

What in the actual heck?!?! 

Abby has NEVER told any of us this. She simply says she really likes mashed potatoes (Idaho is known as the potato state).

So there you have it. The Vandenberg's are moving to Idaho! We all blame Abby. No really, we all want to follow King Jesus. No better place to be, right?!

One thing the Lord keeps faithfully reminding me as I count the cost and my heart aches moving so far away from all I know and love most dearly, is that this time on earth is so short and temporary. We have FOREVER with Jesus and His Body in eternity. I have forever with you in eternity. Forever, guys! Forever! So the Vandenberg's of Kansas are going to lay down our bones where the Lord has called us too. We are sojourners in the hands of the Lord Almighty!

We laid many fleeces before the Lord and He has made it abundantly clear. So we are saying, “Hear am I, Lord, send me!” We absolutely covet all your prayers for continued wisdom, discernment, provision, peace and faith to remain steady, and strength from above as we move our family across the country. 

We took a little trip over Christmas Holiday and have discovered that Idaho is a masterpiece made by our God. We are going to have to stock up on the cold weather gear but the kids enjoyed all the snow.

This is the generation of the righteous!

—HI Guys! Ryan and Becky here.

This is weird but felt the Lords leading to encourage you this morning during our first home church.

Funny i had just made the comment to Ryan this morning about all the “live” feeds this morning and this is the time for pastors to shine. (semi making fun)

Then the Lord put this in my heart.

How is everyone doing out there? Any zombie sightings yet?

I’m just gonna be honest and confess to the inter-webs that I have been faltering between fear and faith. I’m not worried about feeding my family, or provisions of sorts. 

I can worry about what kind of world that my kids will grow up in. 

I could worry about the economy. 

I could worry that the dreams and visions and plans of our future never happening after all the work we’ve put in.

Most of all i worried about my kids being uncomfortable and not being able to have the life I dreamed for them. I was scared in my momma heart for them. 

But during worship at home this morning the Lord reminded me of a word I got for my kids generation. That this IS the GENERATION OF THE RIGHTEOUS! 

That men of valor would rise up. 

That We serve a good good Father and HE IS perfect in every way!

That none of this is outside the confines of His hand and HE WILL work all this for our good. FOR MY KIDS good too!

Then all of a sudden faith filled my heart for these kids. That they will rise up and they will be generational game changers. That they will be a part of a revival to this broken world. I was no longer having the urge to hide them and protect them from the hard but to use this time to prepare them to be the GENERATION OF THE RIGHTEOUS! 

I became excited for our kids. 

Excited for what they will walk through and for what the Lord will do through them.

I couldn’t help but think of this time when our kids have been taken away from the socialization of this world and are stuck under our roofs. I’ve seen a lot of talk about using this time to play games and spend time with one another as a family and forced to slow down. But i think even more..lets spend time discipling our kids. Spend time speaking life to them in the shelter of our home. Spend time preparing them to be shot out into a world that so desperately needs Jesus. What a privilege and opportunity this has given us as parents.

What a privilege it is when its been so easy to outsource the discipleship of our kids to youth leaders, pastors, Sunday school teachers, etc. to have to step up as Parents and take full reign in leading our families to Jesus. Not just to believe and serve but to grow and be ready to walk as the Generation of the Righteous! 

GUYS! It is happening  Right now. We were born, our kids were born for such a time as this! 

I’m excited. That is not something I could have said couple days ago. 

Hope everyone has their bootstraps on. It is going to be a wold ride but i believe it is going to be some of the Churches finest hours. I truly believe that He is going to knit us together through this even better than before. Praying for our church, country, and our world. 

And one day we will walk with Jesus in a New Jerusalem that will be perfect and sin and curse free but for now "wash your hands ye sinners" and keep the faith!

Life with the Super Seven

We had a busy January getting accustomed to life as a family of nine after the holidays. I have been recovering well and we are all falling naturally into our roles. I'm especially proud of Eleanor for finding her place as not the baby anymore. It's hard to be bumped out of that spot but she is doing amazing and we are making sure and still giving her lots of love. I will say that jumping back into reality has been hard but we are getting better at it and stronger day by day. There has been a lot of cartoons and granola bars but total grace for that and amazingly we are still alive!

Olive is precious, loved, and spoiled already. She is a bit colicky so higher maintenance than normal but I was telling Ryan last night that I'm happy we had a colicky kid now rather than earlier. We have so many persons to love and bounce and sing to her. It is such a gift. Joey is the sweetest with her. Anyone who knows Joey knows how extreme this kid is. He does everything 100% whether that's being naughty or being sweet. He aggressively loves but he has been so gentle and sweet with Olive. It's the sweetest thing to watch. One of our biggest challenges is to stop Joey from loving on her and kissing her when she is asleep. Ha!  He just can't help but touch her when he passes but you don't wake babies(especially colicky ones). The big kids are doing awesome with picking up the slack and staying diligent in their studies. Ryan has been a rock for us. I truly think and believe that he has gotten sweeter, more tender, and become a better father and husband with each child. It's kinda how it goes. Momma and daddy grow up along side their children. Each child gives me more opportunity to be pressed and need Him more. I told Ryan that it feels like I am hemmed in all day, completely surrounded, never alone, always needed and wanted. Then I remembered He talks about this in His word-

Psalm 139:1-6

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You *HEM ME IN*, behind and before,   <<<----------------------------
    and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is high; I cannot attain it.

This whole chapter is gold.

Guys, I can't even remember my last name somedays, let alone get the name right when calling my kids. The other day I asked Ryan how to spell "wall ago" as in a while ago.......Ryan just laughed and made fun of me. My mind is sluggish and numb but praising Jesus with my soul and spirit is still happening. I am more "hemmed in" than I have ever been in my life. I somehow have to keep 7 bodies fed, clean, happy, educated, and alive all the while keeping house and home in check. Oh, and Ryan as well. haha  All of this on little sleep, a fussy baby, and toddlers in tow. Guys, I am hemmed in. BUT!!!! His hand is on me. He is guiding me. He is teaching me. He is pressing me and I have NO doubt there is gold being produced though it all. I know that through the fire I am being refined. Olive's birth was a fire that I wouldn't soon jump in joyously but looking back now I can say that it really was a blessing and I can see how we grew as a family and in Jesus through it all. So if it is true for Olive's birth then won't it be true for other trials or even just the every day days. Can God bring glory through dirty diapers, messy floors, and screaming babies? Can He produce gold through mommy melt downs, overflowing toilets, spit up stained clothes, and sinks full of dishes. You bet He can. I am right there in the midst of all these things and He constantly is reminding me of this. He is constantly reminding that in my weakness His strength is made perfect in me. He knows what is before me and behind me. He is laying out a path before me that draws me closer to Him. So I know as I sit on the messy toy and crumb strewn floor in yesterdays pajamas with several children about me calling my name at once and a baby crying in my ear that THIS is where Gold comes from. This is where I am tried by fire, this is where He is purifying me. This is where I learn to call out His name. Whether in desperation or desire, I call out to Jesus and HE answers. He is with me in my mess and He loves me enough to hem me in.

Where are you in your life? Are you being hemmed in a certain area? Are you being  pressed, refined, perfected? I encourage you brothers and sisters to let God refine you 
through the hard, to trust His love for you in carrying you through this. He promises He will work this for His good in those "who love Him and are called according to His purpose". You've been called, you've been chosen, you have purpose and you will be hemmed in unto Him.

Peace and blessings-Becky(a fellow in need of hemming sister)

An Olive branch....

I looked at the last blog I posted and it was 4 years ago........

A lot has happened since then. We had 2 more babies and a house full of love and chaos. Everyone is growing and our 3 bedroom house is getting tight. We bought a craftsman house remodel a few years ago and are hopeful to be in it in a couple months. Ryan has worked tirelessly on his free time(what even is that?!?) as a labor of love to get us in it.  

But this is not why I'm writing. I originally wanted to write about Olive's birth(for therapeutic reasons)but it takes a little bit of back story to our sweet Eleanor's arrival.

Eleanor Lou Hope-12/19/17

Eleanor(6th baby) was born 6 days before Christmas. Within the mix of the holidays and crazy seasons it was super hard transition for me. It was the hardest post pardon season I have ever had and I’ve had few. Ryan had to go back to work almost immediately and I was home with all 6 kids by myself pretty much from the time we left the hospital. On top of that you add in holiday madness with company and travel and all the things and it did not give me anytime to heal properly. It probably took me 3 months for body to heal from the inside out. But alas, she is worth it. She is a red headed beauty with dimples that slay me and enough balance of sweet and ornery that she will win the heart of anyone who knows her. She also started talking in full sentences around when she turned one. I will never forget the first sentence I heard her speak. I told her to throw something away and this little totting red head looks me straight in the eyes and says clear as day-“I don’t want to.”  Haha, I was floored. Needless to say she has kept us busy ever since.

Back to Olive~

In preparation for Olivia, (whose due date was 5 days before Christmas) I poured every bit of my energy into preparing for her arrival. I honestly think I had some post traumatic stress rising up with having a baby in December. Again. Holidays can be stressful anyways but with adding another baby and still not feeling secure about the last, my head was spinning. Olive’s pregnancy flew by. I mean with 6 other kids, homeschooling, house keeping(which basically never ends when you keep all your people home with you all the live long day), in the midst of project house, owning a business, etc. etc.  You get the gist. I just didn’t have the time to put into thinking about my ever expanding uterus. But come November I turned up those nesting gears and was determined to not let this baby season be like the last one. I had all my house decorated and Christmas planned, bought, and wrapped under the tree the week before thanksgiving. I was gonna be prepared. The pregnancy had been a healthy one and the time was flying by. 

About a week before I had her I was at an OB appointment and began to have this panic attack. I realized that I have exhausted all my energy physically preparing for post pardon and haven’t once thought about the actual birthing of a baby and the emotional or spiritual significance of it. So I was laying on the table listening to this thud thud thud thud of this little baby’s heart I hadn’t really had time to think about because I was too busy getting prepared for after she gets here or keeping up with the rest of her siblings.  I wonder if we ever do that to the Lord... Get too busy preparing and working on all the things, even the good things, that we forget to sit and think/ponder/abide in and just be with Him….

So as I am laying there in this routine visit and I hear the Spirit say this verse-{I lift my eyes unto the hills from where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord the maker of Heaven and Earth.} I didn’t know where it was from so I looked it up right there as I listened to babies heart beat. Psalm 121!

I had just told the girls to memorize that psalm as I walked out the door as part of their school and hadn’t even looked it up myself to see what it was. I just knew it was a part of their christian studies homework. God is good. I began to pray that whole psalms. It's a good one. My heart shifted. I began instead of preparing for after this kid comes I began to give this kid to the Lord. I began to let the Lord work on my heart and prepare me spiritually for this birth. See we don’t just have a crap ton of kids for the fun of it, we prayerfully have given this area over to the Lord and when we feel like the Lord says its time to have another we give it to Him….

Fast forward to baby day……

I had started having signs that I was going to go into labor on Thursday(5th) and by the time Ryan came home I told him I was unsure of whether I should go to the hospital or try to go to bed. I didn’t want to go to bed just to get woken up an hour later so I decided to go to the hospital to be checked out. It felt different this time. I was laboring differently and pain was different and didn’t let up in-between contractions. I told Ryan to just stay home so we didn’t have to call our sitter in case they sent me home. I got checked in and was dilated to a 2 and they hooked me up to monitors. Everything looked great-baby and mommy and contractions were staying steady. I had been there a less than an hour when I started to feel sick. I stood up from the bed and immediately started throwing up. The nurse hooked me up again and checked me and I was at a 3. I was officially in labor!! She hooked me back to the monitors and then things started to get hairy. I almost immediately started running a fever and babies heart rate started to rise.  They moved me into a labor room and continued to monitor me. Doc came in started me on antibiotics and they started monitoring baby closer. Around one my doctor told me of her concern for baby and I.  With my fever and rising blood pressure and the babies heart rate she mentioned the thought of maybe having a C-section. She knew I had all my other kids with no problems and everyone was fighting for me to deliver naturally but she wanted to let me know the possibility and the risk. Things escalated pretty quickly after that. They tried internal monitoring of baby to get better readings and they put me on oxygen to see if that wold help, and ran a ton I.V. antibiotics and fluids through me but the baby and fever were just not steadying. She checked me one last time a couple hours later and I was at a 6! Progress. But not enough to change her mind that baby Olive needed to come out now.  She had already assembled a team and they started preparing me. I had been praying scriptures and giving it all to the Lord since they stuck the oxygen mask on me. C-section wasn’t even in my radar nevertheless I had peace. The Lord had prepared for such a time as this. There were some overwhelming moments but I had peace. I held it together the whole time until they wheeled me to the O.R. Ryan had to stay behind until they prepped me. This is when it felt the most real and I didn’t have my partner. I started to cry as they transferred me to the table and began to hook me up to all the things. My doctor who has delivered the past 4 kids puts her hands on my cheeks and says, “You don’t worry about a thing, that baby is gonna come out screaming and we are gonna take care of you.”  It was just the nurturing I needed. I’ve never wanted my mom more than at that moment but the Lord had me covered. I remember saying at one point that nothing makes you want your mom or baby more than an emergency surgery. But I just kept praying Psalm 121 and also saying over and over, “When I am afraid, I will trust in you.” I knew the Lord knew all of this before hand and went before us. They brought Ryan in and he sat by my head and was so sweet and comforting. Although I found out later that he was more terrified than I was. He thought I was going to die. I was in and out of consciousness the whole surgery. I just couldn’t keep my eyes open and Ryan didn’t know that was normal. I remember at one point waking up with him gentle slapping my cheek saying, “Becky, wake up, don’t do this to me.” Everyone was focused on the surgery and he was watching his wife fade in and out of consciousness. Makes me cry thinking about it now. 

Baby Olive was delivered. The doctor said her head was tilted sideways and the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. This was the reason I wasn’t dialing faster and she wasn’t descending. I truly believe this was the Lord’s protection on us. He knew all these things and He knew what was best.  

Baby was here and she came out crying. They sent Ryan with her to our room while they sewed/stapled/sutured/who knows what else…me back together. He told me later that someone said I would be about another 15 minutes but it wound up taking over 45. So he sat in our room alone with our newborn baby wondering if I was going to be ok and if he could raise them all without me.

Finally I was done and they brought me to the room. I got to hold our newborn baby about an hour after she was born. I was still numb and too weak to hold her but Ryan helped me.  She came out perfect. No signs of distress after she was delivered. When I gained strength, she nursed like a champ. Life. Olivia was here. Our Olive Tree was here. The Lord had given me the name Olive and joy for her. Olive(meaning peace) and joy. Her entrance didn’t seem peaceful at any means from this world’s eyes but I will never forget the Peace that covered me through the scariest moments we’ve ever experienced.  

We found out later that I had something called Chorioamnionitis which is a bacteria in the amniotic fluid. This can be very dangerous for mom and baby. Guys, I had zero symptoms before I went in to the hospital. If I was home I would have chalked up fever and vomiting to just a virus I got from my bajillion kids I had. My symptoms started within 30 minutes of me being there just to “get checked”. But because I came in and because they were watching and monitoring me they were able to start antibiotics right away and start watching me and treating baby Olive and I as necessary.  How Good is our God!!! No, I didn’t want a C-section but He knew what we needed. I will never doubt that the Lord had his hand on Olive and me through it all.  He taught me how to hang on to Peace in times of trouble. He taught me Joy comes from Him not from circumstances. 

He has redeemed so much through this traumatic birth experience and I have a feeling I will be unpacking it for many weeks to come. 

We are home now and although recovery is far more intense with a c-section, it has been so sweet to see the body gather around me bringing meals, gifts, gift cards, and just loving me and praying for us. I have felt the Lord’s love through everyone that has lifted us up one way or another. Ryan has been AMAZING and hasn’t left my side this whole week. Our marriage has grown so much through this process. It’s honestly been beautiful. 

I guess overall I just wanted to point out in this hard thing that we walked though that Jesus was ever present and covering us. Ryan and I just had a conversation about how we can read every book about God and know all the scriptures but until we experience Jesus Himself in a personal way it’s nothing. And I am thankful that we got the opportunity to experience Jesus in a new way through this. He is real. He is good. He is faithful. 

Little side note-

There are 2 times I remember crying from pain(publicly) in my adult life-the first time was when I had kidney stones…the second was the first time I got out of my bed after the c-section. C-section mommas out there, I have obtained a new respect for what you go through to bring life into this world. Oh sweet life.

I do covet your prayers as I am still healing and I also have a ton of kids and holidays coming up. I also still cry every time I tell the story and although I had peace through out it all, it was still traumatic and will take sometime for us to unpack it all in our minds. 

Overall though I know to look unto the hills and where my help comes from, my help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth….and the maker of my Olive tree. 

Living In Season

Hi guys. I hope you are all well wherever you are. We have been enjoying this holiday season and feel so blessed. The Lord has been laying on my heart of a new blog about seasons and finally got around to sitting down and typing it out. It’s the word that has been percolating in the body around me and worth meditating on.

Well..I've got 5 kids now. Its been fun and crazy. Joey is 4 months old and we just really love him. He is a extra “healthy” boy and gets lots of extra snuggles, hugs and kisses. (sometimes unwontedly) I am so blessed; my heart is so full. Joseph’s name came from a word we got last year that we were in a Joseph season. (like Joseph in the bible) When we got pregnant in this season unexpectedly we knew that he would be Joseph. It took us weeks to get used to this unexpected surprise. I felt different this pregnancy than I did about any of the others. I was praying about him and the Lord gave me the word “to set apart”. Isn't that funny, thats what happened to Joseph in the bible. So this transition has been different than all the others. Four kids broke up a lot of ground in me. It was tough man. took me a long while to learn how to function in real life. I think a lot of why it has been easier with the transition to 5 is because he broke up a lot of that fallow ground with 4.

Hosea 10:12 (ESV)

Sow for yourselves righteousness;

    reap steadfast love;

    break up your fallow ground,

for it is the time to seek the Lord,

    that he may come and rain righteousness upon you.

I have felt with Joey so much blessing and covering. I mean, yeah, its crazy and hard but its so so good and sweet. I feel the love of the Savior on me. I know I did during the breaking up season as well. The Lord disciplines those He loves. I know there will be more breaking to come but I just want to encourage you to embrace your season (hug the heck out of it! Like pastor Sam said) Whether the Lord is breaking up your fallow ground or sowing righteousness in your readied soil, He is good and there is so much purpose for it.

My now season:

 I was talking to Ryan the other day of how I feel at the end of the day. I feel full and blessed but also I am in a season now of knowing I don't have a lot of extra to give at the end of a day or really during the day. I’m just enough for what He's called me to and only because He's given me enough. I know how to obey and I know how to hear and abide but if our spiritual significance was based on extensive bible studies or hours spent in meetings and prayer closets then I would fall miserably short. 

As I was telling Ryan about this I had this picture of me on a journey with this narrow dirt path and I had set down on the way on this giant boulder on the side of the road to rest. In my mind I was trying to talk myself into getting up, but as I scaled back in the picture I noticed how the sun rays were shining down all around and on me and ministering to my body and soul. I just realized that I wasn't failing, I was exactly where the Lord had me. He put that rock(himself) there for me to rest on and He also was ministering to me with those son-rays (see what i did there=) as I set exactly where he had me in this season. It shifted my heart from thinking I wasn’t doing enough or giving enough but was exactly where he wanted me and I could feel His love for me, ministering to me. My heart shifted from feelings of inadequacy and failure to peace. I do believe that it is only in a place of peace that we can truly move in faith to the next place in the journey whether that be a sprint, walk or maybe a boulder just ahead. I do know that it wasn't till I had peace and submitted to my season that I felt any encouragement or strength to even think about moving. 

As I was sitting in service this morning, I was beginning to feel that weight and condemnation from the enemy of me sitting on that rock and not moving. I mean I was not going to unreached places and sharing the gospel, not having a lot of discipleship meetings or telling the world about Jesus. You know whats cool though? Our Lord takes the lies and death from the enemy and frees us with His truth, purpose and Will for our lives. I almost immediately had that picture of me on a narrow dirt path sitting on a boulder in the sun but this time I was surrounded by 5 little people all snuggled in close to me. All of us basking in the Son. (see there i did it again) What a sweet sweet season. What a sweet sweet picture. I may not be talking to strangers about Jesus every day or traveling to unreached people groups to share the gospel but I have 5 little people that are all around me and I'm teaching and telling them in our little world about Jesus. And also just by being obedient in my season to soak in Jesus (the sun/Son) and let Him minister to us. If I didn't submit to my season then I would be sitting there struggling and not enjoying the sweetness of the season, not teaching my kids what it is to bask in the presence of the Lord.

So thats my season, folks. I may not be doing great things or moving great crowds by any bit of elegant speech or knowledge of things but i’m basking in the presence of the King with my 5 gifts nestled next to me. And maybe, just maybe, they’ll learn to rest and feel the warmth and comfort of the Savior because of it.

What season are you in? I once heard a preacher say, “Life is not so enduring when you are listening for and obeying a fresh word from the Lord.” What is your fresh word in season? Are you struggling to stay afloat while the Lord uses a storm to break up fallow ground? We know that God works all things for His good to those who love Him and are called according to HIs purpose. HE IS WORKING GOOD. Or are you getting to reap blessing from those spiritual seeds planted because the fallow ground was broken up? Or at a place where you just don't have enough strength to take another step and need to just bask in the presence of Jesus for a while. I promise you whether you think you are doing something worthwhile or not, if you are submitting to your season then the Lord can and is moving through you and in you and sometimes it just might be through those 5 little kids snuggled next to you. 

Love you all my sweet sweet brothers, sisters in Jesus. IF YOU DON’T KNOW/FOLLOW JESUS THEN I WILL TELL YOU NOW, HE IS WORTH IT. HE IS GOOD AND THERE IS NO LIFE WORTH LIVING WITHOUT HIM. I CAN TESTIFY TO HIS GREATNESS. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS and may Jesus be your reason for every season!

Peace and blessings from a crazy quiver full to you and yours

Babies, life with littles, rocking 7 and school

Just realized the last post I had posted when I was taking my 2 hour glucose test. Well, I failed that miserably and after about a week of wallowing In myself and mourning my health, I found purpose in walking through it in Jesus. In my pregnancy with Sophia, it was a type of blind faith in walking through. I didn't know if she would be whole when she was born or what her health was. I had to trust in Him that He knew and would take care of her. Well, this pregnancy was different, it was my body not the baby that I had to trust in Him in. With gestational diabetes, a bout of kidney stones and a struggle to regulate my thyroid hormone, I was put at my weakest physically. Isn't it like Him to make us weak so we can be reminded of how strong He is. I think it was in that season that I learned to thank Him for showing us how much we truly need Him. For making us to need Him.
I surely and truly need Him. I can't handle my own crazy on my own let alone anything this world has to offer.
Well, Joseph is here and we are all healthy and doing well. So far 5 has been an easier transition than 4 was. 4 was a struggle and game changer for me, with 5 I feel like I'm playing the same game just at a new level. It's not overwhelming as much as it is just busier. It's like trying to keep serenity while giving a bunch of cats a bath or herding circus monkeys around. Haha. No, it's really no different than having a couple, just like I said a little busier. I just count heads all day:)
I find that once you submit to something, it becomes easier. Like a clear word from the lord, you submit and it's not as much a struggle because there is no other option. 5 kids is my blessed word from the Lord this season, homeschooling is my word from the Lord, living in Kansas is my word from the Lord and so much more. It's a simple as saying Yes to Jesus and letting him guide you(sometimes carry) and bless you through.  Don't get me wrong, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it's a breaking and sometimes I want to give back some of the blessings(not the kids... well, most of the time;) but it's in those moments that I find shine the most in knowing that He is enough and He is worth it.  Here is a little breaking point I had one day after Joey was up all night....

"One of those days where I could easily slip into that place of whining and focusing on the hard things of living away from my family....was sitting here having one of those moments when I hear the lord whisper to me, "Am I worth it?". Immediately I know the answer- Yes, Lord, you are worth it. You are worth every hard day and worth every good day. You are worth every mile apart and every sacrifice, You are worth weeks between hugs from Mimi and papa and aunts and uncles and sleepless nights turned to busy days. HE IS WORTH IT.  My hormones will mellow and my sleep will get better and my God will be just as faithfully worth it when it's easy as He was when it was hard. Thankful that we serve a God who is worth it. Xoxo.  He has shifted my heart from weary and worry to peace and praise. Amen"

I started this blog while sitting in the optometrist office getting my 'bigs' eyes checked for school. We've managed to try to jump back into life again. We've accomplished doctors, dentist, eye exams, Walmart and field trips on our own. I haven't even lost anyone yet. The bigs are great helps. So thankful for my big girls. The lord knew what He was doing when He gave me them first.  Anyway we are starting school this week. So excited about it, the Lord has changed my perspective and giving me a new vision and word and I can't wait to walk it out. It's good to be in the will of the Lord, folks.  Read this quote the other day and it truly inspired me.

"Every choice you make in life(including homeschool-related decisions) is motivated either by faith or by fear. Fear-riven choices always bear bitter fruit. Don't homeschool or choose a curriculum because of fear! Make every choice based on faith- and thenTRUST the God who has called you to homeschooling. He is MORE than sufficient to make you successful!!"
 -Steve and Jane Lambert

Here is a message I sent to a sister that depicts our first day today: 

"We started school today. Morning time is our heart of school(+with fiar{five in a row}) later with abeka as our nuts and bolts.  Been listening to podcast from the link you sent, feeling inspired. 😀 woke up with a migraine trying set in, Ryan's truck broke down so have had to load up kids twice and go help him, Sophia and Joseph are both wanting to be held. 😂😂😂 We did it tho, even if a box of cheeseits are poured out on the floor in the den and my house has been taken over by tiny Lego pieces that will most likely get lost until found by a bare foot. 😁😆 It'll get better and flow more smoothly but ain't nothing gonna keep us down today:)"

She told me I should blog about it- so this me being obedient.  The thing is that if I woke up this morning without a vision, without faith for walking out homeschooling a k4, 1st and 2nd grader(with a 1 year old and infant) I would have given up, had a panic attack, cried and probably ate a lot of chocolate. Ok, I still may have eaten a lot of chocolate either way, but because I felt the prompting and the stirring of the Lord Jesus inside me to do this I could take it all in with a peace and faith that every little thing was gonna be alright. And you know what?! It was, It is and It will be because He said so. It might not be easy or pretty and might hurt like heck(like stepping on a tiny Lego barefoot) but in Faith all things are possible. I'm so thankful for faith to walk when I just can not see it, hear, feel, taste or smell it on my own. 
I hope if you are feeling weak, worn and in fear or doubt that you'll hear from heaven a fresh vision to be on mission for Jesus. No matter what it is, he can turn the fear into faith. It's as simple as saying yes, folks. It really is.

 Hugs and kisses from the Vandenberg 7
 yeah I said 7, guys
 Phew...  We are truly blessed.


Here are a few school pictures. Oh my heart, they grow too fast.

The youngest two scholars don't really do much but make messes but they are pretty cute=)

Sent from my iPhone