IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL...(and when it isn't)

IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL…. (and when it isn’t)

I wrote this about 6 months ago and felt stirred in my heart today to write but realized I never shared. I think the season on learning to believe the truth of these words in the classroom of life the past 6 months has really shaken me, to know in faith that He is good when I don't feel it in my circumstances of life. To say it is well with my soul when everything around us feels like a DUMPSTER FIRE! Thank goodness we live for a kingdom that we know will not be shaken, that will be made right and has already won the battles even we are a hot mess express and the world around us is falling apart..Cause it is ugly out there ya'll. 

I will stand and say it is good, It is well with my soul. I will look at the beauty of His creation and know that HE is good.

(continued.....)

I usually try to pray for a new word at the start of each year. I’m not a big resolution person but I love fresh vision. As I prayed for a word from the Lord all that kept coming to my mind is the phrase “It Is Well With My Soul”.  I pondered for many days on this. It has been over a year since we moved to Idaho. Last New Years this time we had just returned from our first visit back to family after moving. That was hard. We hadn’t started home church yet here and we had definitely made some connections but we hadn’t started gathering together as a body. Next week marks our 1 year anniversary of starting house church in Idaho. Jesus and His body make such a difference. It wasn’t as soul aching this time saying goodbye to family and friends because we had faith and able to see what the Lord was doing and His body is here in Idaho. The Lord has been so faithful and so sweet. It is nothing that we have done just Jesus fulfilling His purpose and plan. Why do we even doubt sometimes?  He has always been so faithful.  He always will be. 

So in comparison to last year at this time It WAS well in my soul on that drive home from the southern regions and midwest to our mountains. We had a life here, we had friends, a church, and people who are becoming family to us. 

But then it hit me-just a couple of January seasonally lows of dark days and cold weather. 

Unwellness of the soul…

Of thoughts on my parents aging and how time is going so fast. 

Of worries for my lost relatives who are running from the Lord. 

Of sickness that seems to be bountiful

Of my awkward self trying to be social in the midst of my own insecurities 

Of feeling alone while everyone is talking about new year’s goals or agendas

Of hormonal shifts where i just feel off and achy and exhausted and just low

Of longing for my kids to be able to play with their cousins

What about those days? 

What about when my brain can’t seem to sing in faith that IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL??

When we can’t seem to believe it is or see that it is. 

When we are walking through really hard things. 

When your husband is stressed and kids are crazy.

When finances don’t align themselves to give hope.

When marriage is hard.

When teenagers are struggling.

When toddlers run rampant and we can’t seem to breathe.

When our health fails and the world is shaky

I was taught that our soul is made up of our mind, will, and emotions-

I will be the first to say that my mind, will, and fo-sho emotions do not always align themselves in faith.  My dying flesh seems to fight against this often. There is a very real chemical fluctuation that happens in a normal body but add on to that chemical imbalance and you set yourself for a very real moment in time where your soul(mind, will, and emotions)will say IT IS NOT WELL! 

I’ve come to this conclusion over the past few weeks while I wrestle with the Lord in season that the Prayer and Call of God comes from deep within to know that IT IS well with my soul. I may not feel like my soul is well at times but His Very Real Spirit lives inside me and I can say that IT IS WELL, I dare say and even believe it will be well. But we know He who is in charge. We know He who writes the end of the story. WE know HE who we have faith in.

WE MAY NOT FEEL LIKE IT IS WELL WITH OUR SOUL BUT WE KNOW HE WHO HOLDS OUR SOUL IN HIS HANDS.

I can be unsure of what the future holds because the future doesn’t rely on what my soul rest on(thank goodness) but it is completely in His hands. 

I can sing it is well with my soul because i am in/with Jesus. I may not believe/see it fully but i know in faith my soul is safe even when nothing else seems to be safe. 

I can sit and cry with my toddler when she wants to go to her grandparent’s house Now! And doesn’t understand that that’s not possible and it still be well with soul.

I can be struggling, feeling broken, and insecure and know that it is well with my soul because the Spirit of the living God is inside me and will cover all my lack and will move me into the right direction. 

When I stand before the Father (and we all will one day), He will look at me and say "well done my good and faithful servant" and welcome me in and it won't be based on how easy and how well i handled life on earth. It won't be based on how smart i was, how thin i was, how good of a scholar i was, how good of a wife and mom i was or friend or house keeper. He will look at me and see the blood of Jesus that covered all i wasn't.  

It. Is. Well. With. My. Soul.

I don’t feel like I have any great revelation in season, matter of fact I feel like the more I grow in the Lord and the longer i’m at this being a child of God thing the more I realize I do not know, the less I am sure of a set of morals, man made ideas or rules and standards and the more I realize it is only by Him are we saved not of ANY works of man. 

I can stand here though and say, “Man, sometimes i’m not ok, and its ok”.  I have the deep Presence of Jesus in my spirit man. I may need to sit and just be low and quiet for awhile but you know what-HE is with me.

He is sitting with me whether my soul can sing in faith that it is well or if my flesh and mind doubt it will ever be again.  

It is well with my soul because Jesus not because I have my mind, will, and (sure as heck don’t have) my emotions under control. 

I hope you all know that there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother(or sister, mother, or father). That He loves you exactly where you are and is ready to take you all in-The whole mess of you. He came to save and to bring peace and healing and joy in the midst of hard and turmoil. He came to soothe your heart when it feels broken. He came to sit with you exactly where you are at and help you find peace. It’s only in Him, by Him, and through Him you will find rest and faith to truly sing IT IS weak with my soul. 

He said:

3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.