My life is full.
Real full.
Real real full.
This full full life may not seem full to those around me and heck may not even be full to them if they had the same. But let's just agree that the fullness degrees vary from individual to individual and what may appear to be an extremely full lap to one person may measly be a walk in the park to someone else. I have noticed that the Lord has a way of stretching that full and in His hands we are capable of walking with grace. Oh to thrive in the capable of the fullness…or the real fullness..or the real real..well you get the idea.
After a pretty intense pregnancy with Sophia(you can read Sophi’s story), I just wasn't prepared for the ‘wow factor' that comes with that 4th child. I didn’t remember the transition to 1, 2 or 3 being especially hard and just didn’t give it much thought before I had her. I think I was thinking that it had to be easier than going through that particular pregnancy. Then i had her and it was kinda akin to being knocked off my feet and having to learn to stand again. I felt like I was starting to get the hang of it and then we started our homeschool year….and there I was knocked off my feet again. Just not knowing how to manage a home, love my husband and 4 kids, keep them all happy, fed and well… alive.
A couple weeks ago I was walking into church with 3 kids in tow and one on the hip while probably clinging to the shirt of the boy who would happily dart in front of large moving objects whilst crossing any given street.
{ I’d like to sit down and have a cup of coffee with the person who ever invented the quote “Easy like a Sunday Morning” and have them explain or teach me this “easiness”…or perhaps let them help me on every Sunday from here on out. =) ha that’d teach to say such silly things. Bet they never had a naked toddler who prefers being dressed in the raw only to be challenged by Ninja Turtle pjs}
Ok, I need to get back on point. So I was struggling to get in the door and was probably 5 minutes late already and I run into a dear friend who sees me juggling my posse, smiles sweetly at me and ask me how I am doing. I am pretty sure I just looked her and said (my famous quote) "Four. Is. Hard." She being a mommy was sweet and understanding and I babbled about it the rest of the way into the building.
I FINALLY make it in and try to realign myself in a worshipful manner to God. Oh how this mama loves worship,I need it to focus my heart on King Jesus and prepare my heart for the word.
During the worship service that morning we begin singing a song with the lyrics “He gives and takes away. He gives and take away. Still my heart will say, blessed be the Name of the Lord!” The sweet conviction of the Lord came on me like a sweet word from a Father and awakened me like a strong cup of coffee. HE HAS GIVEN ME SO MUCH! He has not taken away. He could take away and He would still be God and Just and Perfect but He has just GIVEN to me!
I had this really sweet simple vision of me looking down at my lap and it being so full of gifts that i could barely manage to hold onto them. And i was complaining at all these gifts and how i was having a hard time holding them instead of focusing on and walking in thankfulness, seeing them as the gifts that they were.
Don't get me wrong I love my kids, love my life, love my call but I think that there is a difference between being thankful for what He has given and walking in thankfulness for what HE has given. I was thankful and am thankful for my 4 kids 6 and under and my home and my husband and being able to homeschool and stay at home but I wasn’t walking in thankfulness for all that entails. I’m not saying that there are not times that it isn’t way hard but there is a central shift that happened in my heart that day. I could see my “full lap” (full life) and all that it entails as a gift and not as the job that goes a long with the things that I am thankful for.
i just want to encourage you take a moment and look at all that is in your lap and what the Lord has given you. Maybe you already have the perfect outlook, but I know Satan wants us to be disillusioned by all that the Lord has given, and i struggle at times with being distracted by the gifts and how to carry them instead of seeing the beauty and the love of them.
Since then there are days still that i don't get my teeth brushed till afternoon, or you will find me with messy hair, robe, pjs and a cup of coffee in my hand after 10am. BUT I can see clearer than I have in so long at my full full life. I still struggle at times to carry all these ‘’gifts’’ but you know what? I’m not looking down continually at my full lap but am learning to look up to focus on Jesus and He is miraculously helping me walk in all that i am and all that i have in the midst of all that i am not. I’m reminded as I type of the song that says “He’s been good to me, what do i have to fear, knowing He is near.” Amen.
So I guess what I am trying to say is.......
Whether you are in a season where He has given you an abundance you are struggling to steward or even a season where He has chosen to take away, let’s not be fooled by the enemies schemes and spend time focusing on our lap at the abundance OR the lack. Let’s lift our drooping heads and look to Jesus the author and finisher of our faith! After all, He HAS been so good to us.
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