IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL...(and when it isn't)

IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL…. (and when it isn’t)

I wrote this about 6 months ago and felt stirred in my heart today to write but realized I never shared. I think the season on learning to believe the truth of these words in the classroom of life the past 6 months has really shaken me, to know in faith that He is good when I don't feel it in my circumstances of life. To say it is well with my soul when everything around us feels like a DUMPSTER FIRE! Thank goodness we live for a kingdom that we know will not be shaken, that will be made right and has already won the battles even we are a hot mess express and the world around us is falling apart..Cause it is ugly out there ya'll. 

I will stand and say it is good, It is well with my soul. I will look at the beauty of His creation and know that HE is good.

(continued.....)

I usually try to pray for a new word at the start of each year. I’m not a big resolution person but I love fresh vision. As I prayed for a word from the Lord all that kept coming to my mind is the phrase “It Is Well With My Soul”.  I pondered for many days on this. It has been over a year since we moved to Idaho. Last New Years this time we had just returned from our first visit back to family after moving. That was hard. We hadn’t started home church yet here and we had definitely made some connections but we hadn’t started gathering together as a body. Next week marks our 1 year anniversary of starting house church in Idaho. Jesus and His body make such a difference. It wasn’t as soul aching this time saying goodbye to family and friends because we had faith and able to see what the Lord was doing and His body is here in Idaho. The Lord has been so faithful and so sweet. It is nothing that we have done just Jesus fulfilling His purpose and plan. Why do we even doubt sometimes?  He has always been so faithful.  He always will be. 

So in comparison to last year at this time It WAS well in my soul on that drive home from the southern regions and midwest to our mountains. We had a life here, we had friends, a church, and people who are becoming family to us. 

But then it hit me-just a couple of January seasonally lows of dark days and cold weather. 

Unwellness of the soul…

Of thoughts on my parents aging and how time is going so fast. 

Of worries for my lost relatives who are running from the Lord. 

Of sickness that seems to be bountiful

Of my awkward self trying to be social in the midst of my own insecurities 

Of feeling alone while everyone is talking about new year’s goals or agendas

Of hormonal shifts where i just feel off and achy and exhausted and just low

Of longing for my kids to be able to play with their cousins

What about those days? 

What about when my brain can’t seem to sing in faith that IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL??

When we can’t seem to believe it is or see that it is. 

When we are walking through really hard things. 

When your husband is stressed and kids are crazy.

When finances don’t align themselves to give hope.

When marriage is hard.

When teenagers are struggling.

When toddlers run rampant and we can’t seem to breathe.

When our health fails and the world is shaky

I was taught that our soul is made up of our mind, will, and emotions-

I will be the first to say that my mind, will, and fo-sho emotions do not always align themselves in faith.  My dying flesh seems to fight against this often. There is a very real chemical fluctuation that happens in a normal body but add on to that chemical imbalance and you set yourself for a very real moment in time where your soul(mind, will, and emotions)will say IT IS NOT WELL! 

I’ve come to this conclusion over the past few weeks while I wrestle with the Lord in season that the Prayer and Call of God comes from deep within to know that IT IS well with my soul. I may not feel like my soul is well at times but His Very Real Spirit lives inside me and I can say that IT IS WELL, I dare say and even believe it will be well. But we know He who is in charge. We know He who writes the end of the story. WE know HE who we have faith in.

WE MAY NOT FEEL LIKE IT IS WELL WITH OUR SOUL BUT WE KNOW HE WHO HOLDS OUR SOUL IN HIS HANDS.

I can be unsure of what the future holds because the future doesn’t rely on what my soul rest on(thank goodness) but it is completely in His hands. 

I can sing it is well with my soul because i am in/with Jesus. I may not believe/see it fully but i know in faith my soul is safe even when nothing else seems to be safe. 

I can sit and cry with my toddler when she wants to go to her grandparent’s house Now! And doesn’t understand that that’s not possible and it still be well with soul.

I can be struggling, feeling broken, and insecure and know that it is well with my soul because the Spirit of the living God is inside me and will cover all my lack and will move me into the right direction. 

When I stand before the Father (and we all will one day), He will look at me and say "well done my good and faithful servant" and welcome me in and it won't be based on how easy and how well i handled life on earth. It won't be based on how smart i was, how thin i was, how good of a scholar i was, how good of a wife and mom i was or friend or house keeper. He will look at me and see the blood of Jesus that covered all i wasn't.  

It. Is. Well. With. My. Soul.

I don’t feel like I have any great revelation in season, matter of fact I feel like the more I grow in the Lord and the longer i’m at this being a child of God thing the more I realize I do not know, the less I am sure of a set of morals, man made ideas or rules and standards and the more I realize it is only by Him are we saved not of ANY works of man. 

I can stand here though and say, “Man, sometimes i’m not ok, and its ok”.  I have the deep Presence of Jesus in my spirit man. I may need to sit and just be low and quiet for awhile but you know what-HE is with me.

He is sitting with me whether my soul can sing in faith that it is well or if my flesh and mind doubt it will ever be again.  

It is well with my soul because Jesus not because I have my mind, will, and (sure as heck don’t have) my emotions under control. 

I hope you all know that there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother(or sister, mother, or father). That He loves you exactly where you are and is ready to take you all in-The whole mess of you. He came to save and to bring peace and healing and joy in the midst of hard and turmoil. He came to soothe your heart when it feels broken. He came to sit with you exactly where you are at and help you find peace. It’s only in Him, by Him, and through Him you will find rest and faith to truly sing IT IS weak with my soul. 

He said:

3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Life in the mountains-6 month update

I look into the hills from where my help come from. My help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth.

For some reason or another the American Christian message has gotten the idea that walking with Jesus will bring prosperity and freedom from all troubles. I have even caught myself at times questioning my faith and/or walk with the Lord because of hard things we went through in seasons. 

Was the Favor of the Lord not with me? Why did He ask me to go through hard things and not others? Did He love this person or these people more because life seemed to be easier for them? Were they more righteous? They seem to have the favor of man more than me, am I not chosen?

Have you ever questioned the Love of the Lord over you because of your circumstances?

The belief that if we follow and obey Jesus, everything should be easy is such a lie from the enemy. A lie that our culture seems to set us up to believe. 

Every single one of the 12 disciples were tortured and/or killed for their faith. And they literally physically walked side by side with Jesus the Messiah. Yet still somehow in hard times I have doubt that tries to creep in. Oh {me} of little faith…

If you are reading this you know that the Lord called the Vandenberg’s to Idaho. We took a trip in January 2022 to scout out and basically pray through the state. We felt stirring toward the panhandle area and began prayerfully looking for a place to call home. It came with lots of surrender and tears and prayer. This all was incredibly overwhelming. The market prices had skyrocketed everywhere but in Idaho it was triple the prices of where we currently lived. Our funds wouldn’t go near as far in Idaho as they would in Kansas. That was a hard pill to swallow. We looked for months, put bids into several places only to lose them to someone who put in full asking prices(which we did as well) and then add in a ridiculous amounts in escalation clauses. Which is like saying “hey, I’ll pay you what you want and then $20,000-$100,000 extra”. It was hard. This happened for months and months as we waited upon and prayed to the Lord.

Then there was a property that came up on Saint Maries River Road, Saint Maries, ID. It was a stretch for our budget and was a little bit further south than where we were looking but checked all our boxes. We decided to wait on the Lord (which felt risky with things flying off the market within days and sometimes hours after being listed)and pray. We began praying expecting to see it pending before we ever got a chance to put a bid in. But then after a week or so, Ryan had a dream about standing in this specific house with an indescribable Spirit filled peace and rest flooding over him. So after praying for a couple weeks, we bit the bullet and tried yet again and put in an offer. And; Within a couple days we got on contract! 

Ryan and I took a trip to go and check it out in person and for the week leading up to that trip I felt like sadness was following me everywhere I went. I just kept thinking of the movie Inside Out. The story is about a girl dealing with big emotions and each of those emotions having a person/animated character. The character Sadness was following me everywhere I went.  I still wanted to go and obey but I think the reality of moving our family halfway across country was starting to hit; and I was counting the cost. We weren't leaving in hopes of a better life, we were leaving an incredible body and a home where the church had become family. We were moving in obedience and sometimes obedience can be hard. As we stepped into the vehicle to leave I heard the Lord whisper to me  “I said Goodness and Mercy will follow you not sadness”.

I don’t always listen to that still small voice but it was such a comfort to me as we drove out of El Dorado, KS.

Moving forward, That trip sucked!!! We had so much trouble and so much warfare. We got to Saint Maries, Idaho and drive through the town and I am sobbing at this point and tell Ryan I can’t do it. It is just too much and too hard. I mean, Jesus will love me anyways, right? We drove through the town first and then went to the property. Miraculously as soon as I stepped foot onto the property my heart shifted from mourning to not just peace but to pure Joy! Only Jesus can do that!

Fast forward and we’re surrounded by such an out pouring of love from the body in Kansas. From helping packing, loading trucks, cleaning, meals brought, gifts, treats, offerings, going away parties, and more. It was all so much and daily we were loved on and blessed by the body of Jesus. 

The Lord used that last month and spoke to us in testimony of the time we spent in Kansas. It is such a valuable part of our story. What a gift and we are so thankful that the body of Christ stays family forever. 

We headed out for the long journey of moving our family of 9 half way across the US. We had two trucks pulling trailers, two 26 foot Penskes, and my van also pulling a trailer (not to mention 6 adults, 7 kids, 3 cats, 2 guinea pigs, a lizard and large dog.) Honorary mention to my SIL and brother for doing an excellent job and volunteering their vacation to drive those giant moving trucks! We made it in 3 long days. We were planning to sign papers when we got to Idaho to close but then things started falling apart. I won’t go into details but all stops were put on the closing. Not because of our side but some unsettled issues with property boundaries. We had just spent months preparing, hauled our family and all our belongings across the country and had no home. Thankfully we were allowed to unload our trucks on the property but were not given written permission to stay. We scrambled at about 9pm at night to find a place for us all to sleep. The next couple days were spent unloading all our stuff and getting animals settled and going back to the airbnb where we were sleeping, exhausted. We spent Thursday morning finishing unloading the last Penske and then took them to the drop off location(a little over an hour away). We also were saying our goodbyes to my Mom and Dad and brother and sister in-law (who were flying back).

  I am not sure i can explain the grief I felt. I couldn’t eat at all that day. I had been choking back sobs all morning knowing that we would be saying goodbye to family and wouldn’t see them for a long time. My chest hurt from keeping it all in and trying not to lose it. When we said goodbye and drove away Ryan had to stop because I thought I was going to be sick.  The goodbyes are always hard but knowing we had no place to call home and leaving everyone who has loved and cared for us to remain in what felt like being dropped in the middle of the forest with no where to sleep was too much. I sobbed the entire rest of the day. Our realtor who has worked so hard for us contacted Ryan and had gotten us another couple nights in the airbnb which was such a blessing but we still had no clue when we would finally be able to close. We couldn’t afford to just keep staying in hotels or airbnbs until it all got settled—which was looking like it could possibly drag on for weeks. We went to bed heavy hearted; I went to bed sobbing. 

It was rough. I thought about Jesus a lot, about how He had to say goodbye to His mamma too; and HE did it for me! How Jesus didn’t have a pillow to lay His head on either. HE did it all to save me! I knew Jesus was worthy and I wanted to trust and follow Him.. We knew we were called to Idaho. Why was it so hard? 

The next morning we called all the kids together to spend some time praying and surrendering it all to the Lord…Ryan talked about how the Lord allows us to go through things that are too much for us to carry on our own so that we will learn to depend fully on Him. I still had been unable to eat from fear, surrendering, grief, pain, heartache… all the things. I felt numb. I was repenting constantly in my heart for my lack of faith and asking for help to believe; but I couldn’t shake off the despair. We literally didn’t know where we would live and where our kids would sleep in the foreseeable future. We all gathered and prayed for a miracle. Ryan and I both just so heavy and tearfully pouring it all out before God and trying to be strong for our kids. After prayer we decided to go to the property for bit and just walk around and pray. As we began to walk, Peace slowly started pouring into our hearts—even though we didn’t see an end or any solution we could accomplish on our own. We were there for about 45 minutes and we got a message from our realtor that we should be able to sign today. Guys, this was a miracle! WE spent hours talking with neighbors but there was history between the neighbors going back decades. It was looking like it could be weeks or even longer until both parties settled allowing us too close. The fact that all parties involved signed the necessary documents that day was truly a miracle. We were able to get in last minute and sign our closing documents. The sellers realtor came up to us afterward and gave us a financial gift, she said it was to help us “feed our kids”. This stuff doesn’t just happen. HE loves us through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

But then….. Well, I wish we could say that all was well from there. I actually wrote this 6 months ago and am just now getting back to finish and update it-here is the “fill in the gaps” update

Somehow we signed closing documents, got copies and were set to start settling into our new home when everything was put on hold…

We were already halfway moved in and had to stop. We were staying in an airbnb. We were not sure what was going to happen. There was finally an agreement to let us have early occupancy; But it was over a month after we dragged our life, kids, and everything we knew across the country before we were able close on a house. There was so many days that we went through grief, anger, fear, trust, hope, and back again. I have never cried more in my life. We HAD TO die daily.  It was brutal. At one point I sat in the title company’s office, sobbing as I told the agent I didn’t know where my kids would sleep that night. But every step of the way the Lord provided for us. We had to go through Egypt to get to the promised land. And Egypt and that wilderness were hard. It cost us thousands more; thousands of dollars, thousands of tears, thousands of prayers; But He never runs out on us. He never gives up on us. He never leaves us. He never forsakes us. HE is faithful. He provides. HE is GOOD. 

The enemy has warred with plenty of attack since we’ve been here. He has tried to go after our home, our name, and our health. BUT WE STAND WITH THE KING of KINGS! God has never left us; and as much as the enemy attacked, GOD has sent revival and moved even more. HE already has conquered all. 

Through a series of events and divine appointments we almost immediately were met with a couple families who were hungry for Jesus and waiting for His gathering of the body. It was like Jesus was saying, “look and see what I have planned!’ We didn’t have to advertise or go looking for church. He brought the church to us. We started house church a couple months ago and it was like out hearts went from mourning to gladness. PURPOSE. We knew we were where we were supposed to be. He filled in the gaps. HE has a plan. He is here.

Guys we went through the hardest things we have ever been through but we were able to feel the Presence of God and see miracles and love in the midst of the hard. I know that there will be gold come forth from every tear we cried. 

I seen a quote the other day, It said-

“Make our Peace greater than our Pain so that our lives can glorify the Father like never before!”

This has been my prayer as we miss our families and friends and count the cost of our changing season and lives.

The Lord will turn your mourning into gladness but sometimes the Lord chooses to sit with us through it for a while. It’s not always gonna be roses and butterflies, double portions of favor, prosperity and or sugar coated favor from the world—sometimes it’s pain and sorrow that we have to walk through to receive the great gift of goodness and mercy on the other side.  But the Lord will sit with us through it all comforting us and loving us even when we struggle with doubts and fears. Jesus endured the cross for the Joy that was set before Him. That Joy was being with the Father and fulfilling His purpose. Not to have an easier life. The Joy of being with the Father is set before us all. Praying we learn as a body to endure for the JOY that is set before us!

I pray you all know the depths of the Father’s love for you whether you are standing on the mountain tops or sitting with Him in valley where it feels like the shadows will overtake you…

HE IS WITH YOU!

Surrender

                                                       SURRENDER

I have been pondering lately about how surrender can come in waves. 

It is a minute by minute, day by day, week by week of letting go and giving it back to Jesus when a fresh wave comes and knocks us off our feet and our flesh wants to pick it back up and we have to surrender again what we have given to Him.

We surrender our flesh and let Jesus take over after failing and falling

We surrender our souls to the Savior over and over again when that battle that pulls and tugs us tosses us off our feet

We surrender our will to His when it is scary and we want to do what seems safe and easy

We surrender fears to him even though the world and the enemy scream hopelessness to us 

We surrender our doubts, crises, family, unknowns, hopes, failures, dreams, finances, marriage, and all things in between

We surrender as we wait and give up all, recklessly abandoning all our comfort and ease of walking in our own wisdom and timing and what makes since to this age

 

We surrender in the wait

I have found that waiting on Jesus can be one of the hardest things to surrender. It’s not the not knowing IF He will come through, it’s the not knowing how and when that will be; of what we will have to face in the unknown while we wait.  Do you think that is why there are such verses about waiting for us to cling to? Did Jesus know 2000+ years ago that we would have a hard time. Did He know my impatience and frustration for not having the road clearly highlighted before us even as HE willingly laid down all for us.
Did He know in my weakness that I would be frustrated because I said Yes to Him and then I had to wait? Did He know I was so stinking weak? 

Yes, He knew. 

Will He waste it-the waiting? 

No-He will build, refine, and strengthen me in the midst.

Will I forget this and double fist chocolate chips in my mouth out of stress-um..yeah

BUT He will love me anyways…even if my pants get a little tight or I become hormotional and get a little yelly…

I will SURRENDER and come back to Jesus and give Him the weight I’m trying to bare on my own.. 

You see, I know that HE is a good Father and is always waiting with open arms to envelope me in the best and biggest daddy hug there is, If only I surrender and choose to wait on Him instead of making a mess on my own. 

There is so much surrender that comes in waiting but there are so many promises that come too

“Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint .”

                        Why is waiting so hard? Why is it so hard to Be Still?

                      Are you waiting? Surrendering? Eating chocolate by the fistfull?

Jesus, teach us to be still and wait on you. Not just for a miracle or a word or even deliverance. But let us be still and wait because you are so much better than all else. Your presence is better than all the good things you bring. King Jesus, we wait and sit at your feet because we don't want to be anywhere else but in Your Love and Presence. ALmighty God, you are worth it all-the good, the hard, and the wait.

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, because he trusted in Thee!”

Lord, stay our mind on Thee-no matter the season, hard, beating waves, gas prices, or tantrum toddlers. Your name is Peace and may Your name be always on our lips.

Idaho update-

In case you missed the theme in season- We are waiting. hahaha

We have just finished our house that we live in(besides a few touch ups when we move out. HELLO 7 kids) and have been watching the market in the northern panhandle region that we feel stirred toward.  The Lord has made some amazing connections to parts of the body and to people who have the same heart and call as us. We’ve had many words of encouragement and pictures and promises shared to us by the body we are around now. 

So we are taking all these words and encouragements and writing them on our hearts as we WAIT and SURRENDER for the Lord and trust His provisions. We have watched the market and even put bids on a few places but every time have kept our hands open to Him. We want more than anything what He wants for us.  He has protected us thus far. Ryan finishes his last job here sometime the end of July/beginning of August. So our plan is if nothing comes up before then to just drag our camper across the country and live in it until we get a place.

A few prayer request:

-That we would trust Jesus in the waiting. We are ready to go but not knowing if we are going to be living in a camper, a shack, or a house has been kinda nerve racking. The market is about 2-3x more expensive there than here.  So we are starting from the bottom but feel so blessed that we can start at all. He w
ill provide and He is worthy.  We just want to say “here am i, send me” but kinda feel like we need a place to land especially with our Circus following along.  Idaho doesn’t know what’s coming. 

-Our kids. I know that we are all counting the cost. One of the hardest things for me has been trusting Jesus to fill in the gap for our children and all they are leaving behind. They are a part of an incredible group of youth and body that they’ve grownup with, known, and loved all of their lives. Gosh I love these kids—Kids who love Jesus are such a sweet and pure picture of the body. Prayers for them as they walk out these transitions and grow in Jesus in their surrender. 

-Ryan is turning down jobs left and right here because we know the Lord has told us to move. He will be building the business from the ground up in Idaho(Lord willing) to support our family and ministry. This is like a crazy trust exercise. Prayers for provision, wisdom, and placement in this but we know God will work it all out for our good! He has gone before us. He is worthy. 

A Year of New Adventures!

A Year of New Adventures

If you are reading this it is because you’ve invested in our family. You are the Body and family to us; and we treasure you now and will for ages to come!

Happy New Year! Man, what a ride the past couple years have been. We’ve had our own share of hard and our own share of blessing along the way. I’m beginning to realize the hard is often times actually a blessing; or at least that the good Lord works it for our good in the end. We know this… “that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”—Romans 5:3-5

Which leads me to the purpose of this letter.  The Vandenberg's are saying “yes” to King Jesus in a new season of surrender.

Ryan and my heart is to serve the Body of Christ. We moved up to Kansas almost 14 years ago to “plant” a church. The Lord did a number on us and shifted how we would walk in this calling. We began our ministry of shepherding and loving the church that was already planted by King Jesus in El dorado, Kansas. The Lord begin to reveal purpose through our surrender as we began to have house church by welcoming the body into our home with a desire to be a safe place for people to come rest, retreat, and be rejuvenated in Jesus. 

As we began to grow in the surrender to King Jesus’ purpose for our lives, we began to pray about our desire to purchase land. About 5 years ago, while we were praying about our desire to buy land, the Lord spoke the word En Gedi to us. En Gedi is an oasis in the dessert near the Dead Sea; a safe place where you can draw life from the natural spring in the middle of the desolation of the wilderness. David sought refuge and hid from Saul in the caves near En Gedi. The Lord began to bring more clarity to the focus of our ministry and desire to buy land as we felt called to be an En Gedi to the Church.

Ryan’s heart and desires have always been to steward a piece of land for our family to homestead away from the chaos of the city. Our hearts have craved an En Gedi and that word from the Lord gave purpose to the longing in our hearts to buy land. So since that day about 5 years ago we have been praying for our En Gedi and asking the Lord where He wanted En Gedi to be. We’ve been around long enough to know that plans set apart from God’s purposes are just plans.  We want the plans and purpose the Lord has for us. 

In December, 2020 we had taken a trip to unwind after a particularly hard year (2020 am right?!?). On the way back from that trip Ryan was praying about En Gedi and he felt the Lord say that our En Gedi wasn’t in Kansas. What?! The shock! I mean, King Jesus brought us here 14 years ago and we assumed it was for good.  

Fast forward about 7 or 8 months, Ryan had been secretly praying all this time about where the Lord wants our En Gedi to be. I on the other hand was completely unaware that our comfortable world was about to be rocked. Kansas has become home and family and where the Lord has placed us in the body of Christ.

Well… Ryan begins to mention to me that he doesn't think En Gedi is in Kansas and asks me to pray about where it is. You see, he had been praying and to his surprise the word “Idaho” kept coming to mind every time he prayed. Ryan knew nothing about Idaho and was still in shock when he asked me to begin praying.  He laid a fleece before the Lord that if “Idaho” was really from Him, He would reveal it to me also. So Ryan starts asking me to pray about where our En Gedi is supposed to be. Me, being the good disciple that I am, answer by saying “No, I don’t want to move further away.” He gets serious and tells me I need to pray.  A little time goes by and he asks me if I had been praying. I immediately tell him no and in my snarky submissive way(Lord, have mercy) I say what? Is it Colorado? No. Montana? No. Alaska? No. (All the states  Ryan has mentioned wanting to move too in the past). Then I say, “Is it Idaho?” He answers, “No. Why would you say that?! Quit guessing; I want you to sincerely pray about it.”

So basically he lied. Such good disciples we are…

A week goes by and he asks me again if I have been praying about En Gedi. I say no. In all truth I just wasn’t ready to think about it, let alone pray about it. Ryan began to get frustrated and tells me how serious this is and that I need to pray about it. 

I look him dead in the eyes and I know… I just say, “It’s Idaho isn’t it.” 

I know.

I didn’t ask.

Our Father speaks even when we don’t know if we are ready to hear or listen. 

We both sit in shock with tears running down our cheeks. We are sober, a little in awe, and scared. We decide not to tell the kids just yet. Our oldest three kids know Jesus and we wanted them to hear from the Lord as well. So we lay the fleece before the Lord, again, together this time. We asked our oldest three, to pray about where our En Gedi was suppose to be. A few weeks go by and one morning I’m sitting on the porch with Emma and Eli. Eli starts asking me questions about how far way our En Gedi is. I tell him he needs to pray and ask the Lord. He then says just out of the blue, “Is it Idaho?” It stops me in my tracks and I ask him why he said that. Eli said it's just the first state that popped in his head. We call Ryan and then tell Eli and Emma not to tell Abby because we want her to hear from the Lord. 

So of course Emma and Eli immediately start quizzing Abby on if she could live anywhere in the world where would she want to live.  Abby starts naming states we have family in and then she pauses and says, “No, wait… If i could live anywhere i’d want to live in Idaho because it’s my favorite state!”

What in the actual heck?!?! 

Abby has NEVER told any of us this. She simply says she really likes mashed potatoes (Idaho is known as the potato state).

So there you have it. The Vandenberg's are moving to Idaho! We all blame Abby. No really, we all want to follow King Jesus. No better place to be, right?!

One thing the Lord keeps faithfully reminding me as I count the cost and my heart aches moving so far away from all I know and love most dearly, is that this time on earth is so short and temporary. We have FOREVER with Jesus and His Body in eternity. I have forever with you in eternity. Forever, guys! Forever! So the Vandenberg's of Kansas are going to lay down our bones where the Lord has called us too. We are sojourners in the hands of the Lord Almighty!

We laid many fleeces before the Lord and He has made it abundantly clear. So we are saying, “Hear am I, Lord, send me!” We absolutely covet all your prayers for continued wisdom, discernment, provision, peace and faith to remain steady, and strength from above as we move our family across the country. 

We took a little trip over Christmas Holiday and have discovered that Idaho is a masterpiece made by our God. We are going to have to stock up on the cold weather gear but the kids enjoyed all the snow.

This is the generation of the righteous!

—HI Guys! Ryan and Becky here.

This is weird but felt the Lords leading to encourage you this morning during our first home church.

Funny i had just made the comment to Ryan this morning about all the “live” feeds this morning and this is the time for pastors to shine. (semi making fun)

Then the Lord put this in my heart.

How is everyone doing out there? Any zombie sightings yet?

I’m just gonna be honest and confess to the inter-webs that I have been faltering between fear and faith. I’m not worried about feeding my family, or provisions of sorts. 

I can worry about what kind of world that my kids will grow up in. 

I could worry about the economy. 

I could worry that the dreams and visions and plans of our future never happening after all the work we’ve put in.

Most of all i worried about my kids being uncomfortable and not being able to have the life I dreamed for them. I was scared in my momma heart for them. 

But during worship at home this morning the Lord reminded me of a word I got for my kids generation. That this IS the GENERATION OF THE RIGHTEOUS! 

That men of valor would rise up. 

That We serve a good good Father and HE IS perfect in every way!

That none of this is outside the confines of His hand and HE WILL work all this for our good. FOR MY KIDS good too!

Then all of a sudden faith filled my heart for these kids. That they will rise up and they will be generational game changers. That they will be a part of a revival to this broken world. I was no longer having the urge to hide them and protect them from the hard but to use this time to prepare them to be the GENERATION OF THE RIGHTEOUS! 

I became excited for our kids. 

Excited for what they will walk through and for what the Lord will do through them.

I couldn’t help but think of this time when our kids have been taken away from the socialization of this world and are stuck under our roofs. I’ve seen a lot of talk about using this time to play games and spend time with one another as a family and forced to slow down. But i think even more..lets spend time discipling our kids. Spend time speaking life to them in the shelter of our home. Spend time preparing them to be shot out into a world that so desperately needs Jesus. What a privilege and opportunity this has given us as parents.

What a privilege it is when its been so easy to outsource the discipleship of our kids to youth leaders, pastors, Sunday school teachers, etc. to have to step up as Parents and take full reign in leading our families to Jesus. Not just to believe and serve but to grow and be ready to walk as the Generation of the Righteous! 

GUYS! It is happening  Right now. We were born, our kids were born for such a time as this! 

I’m excited. That is not something I could have said couple days ago. 

Hope everyone has their bootstraps on. It is going to be a wold ride but i believe it is going to be some of the Churches finest hours. I truly believe that He is going to knit us together through this even better than before. Praying for our church, country, and our world. 

And one day we will walk with Jesus in a New Jerusalem that will be perfect and sin and curse free but for now "wash your hands ye sinners" and keep the faith!

Life with the Super Seven

We had a busy January getting accustomed to life as a family of nine after the holidays. I have been recovering well and we are all falling naturally into our roles. I'm especially proud of Eleanor for finding her place as not the baby anymore. It's hard to be bumped out of that spot but she is doing amazing and we are making sure and still giving her lots of love. I will say that jumping back into reality has been hard but we are getting better at it and stronger day by day. There has been a lot of cartoons and granola bars but total grace for that and amazingly we are still alive!

Olive is precious, loved, and spoiled already. She is a bit colicky so higher maintenance than normal but I was telling Ryan last night that I'm happy we had a colicky kid now rather than earlier. We have so many persons to love and bounce and sing to her. It is such a gift. Joey is the sweetest with her. Anyone who knows Joey knows how extreme this kid is. He does everything 100% whether that's being naughty or being sweet. He aggressively loves but he has been so gentle and sweet with Olive. It's the sweetest thing to watch. One of our biggest challenges is to stop Joey from loving on her and kissing her when she is asleep. Ha!  He just can't help but touch her when he passes but you don't wake babies(especially colicky ones). The big kids are doing awesome with picking up the slack and staying diligent in their studies. Ryan has been a rock for us. I truly think and believe that he has gotten sweeter, more tender, and become a better father and husband with each child. It's kinda how it goes. Momma and daddy grow up along side their children. Each child gives me more opportunity to be pressed and need Him more. I told Ryan that it feels like I am hemmed in all day, completely surrounded, never alone, always needed and wanted. Then I remembered He talks about this in His word-

Psalm 139:1-6

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
3 You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
5 You *HEM ME IN*, behind and before,   <<<----------------------------
    and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is high; I cannot attain it.

This whole chapter is gold.

Guys, I can't even remember my last name somedays, let alone get the name right when calling my kids. The other day I asked Ryan how to spell "wall ago" as in a while ago.......Ryan just laughed and made fun of me. My mind is sluggish and numb but praising Jesus with my soul and spirit is still happening. I am more "hemmed in" than I have ever been in my life. I somehow have to keep 7 bodies fed, clean, happy, educated, and alive all the while keeping house and home in check. Oh, and Ryan as well. haha  All of this on little sleep, a fussy baby, and toddlers in tow. Guys, I am hemmed in. BUT!!!! His hand is on me. He is guiding me. He is teaching me. He is pressing me and I have NO doubt there is gold being produced though it all. I know that through the fire I am being refined. Olive's birth was a fire that I wouldn't soon jump in joyously but looking back now I can say that it really was a blessing and I can see how we grew as a family and in Jesus through it all. So if it is true for Olive's birth then won't it be true for other trials or even just the every day days. Can God bring glory through dirty diapers, messy floors, and screaming babies? Can He produce gold through mommy melt downs, overflowing toilets, spit up stained clothes, and sinks full of dishes. You bet He can. I am right there in the midst of all these things and He constantly is reminding me of this. He is constantly reminding that in my weakness His strength is made perfect in me. He knows what is before me and behind me. He is laying out a path before me that draws me closer to Him. So I know as I sit on the messy toy and crumb strewn floor in yesterdays pajamas with several children about me calling my name at once and a baby crying in my ear that THIS is where Gold comes from. This is where I am tried by fire, this is where He is purifying me. This is where I learn to call out His name. Whether in desperation or desire, I call out to Jesus and HE answers. He is with me in my mess and He loves me enough to hem me in.

Where are you in your life? Are you being hemmed in a certain area? Are you being  pressed, refined, perfected? I encourage you brothers and sisters to let God refine you 
through the hard, to trust His love for you in carrying you through this. He promises He will work this for His good in those "who love Him and are called according to His purpose". You've been called, you've been chosen, you have purpose and you will be hemmed in unto Him.

Peace and blessings-Becky(a fellow in need of hemming sister)