I look into the hills from where my help come from. My help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth.
For some reason or another the American Christian message has gotten the idea that walking with Jesus will bring prosperity and freedom from all troubles. I have even caught myself at times questioning my faith and/or walk with the Lord because of hard things we went through in seasons.
Was the Favor of the Lord not with me? Why did He ask me to go through hard things and not others? Did He love this person or these people more because life seemed to be easier for them? Were they more righteous? They seem to have the favor of man more than me, am I not chosen?
Have you ever questioned the Love of the Lord over you because of your circumstances?
The belief that if we follow and obey Jesus, everything should be easy is such a lie from the enemy. A lie that our culture seems to set us up to believe.
Every single one of the 12 disciples were tortured and/or killed for their faith. And they literally physically walked side by side with Jesus the Messiah. Yet still somehow in hard times I have doubt that tries to creep in. Oh {me} of little faith…
If you are reading this you know that the Lord called the Vandenberg’s to Idaho. We took a trip in January 2022 to scout out and basically pray through the state. We felt stirring toward the panhandle area and began prayerfully looking for a place to call home. It came with lots of surrender and tears and prayer. This all was incredibly overwhelming. The market prices had skyrocketed everywhere but in Idaho it was triple the prices of where we currently lived. Our funds wouldn’t go near as far in Idaho as they would in Kansas. That was a hard pill to swallow. We looked for months, put bids into several places only to lose them to someone who put in full asking prices(which we did as well) and then add in a ridiculous amounts in escalation clauses. Which is like saying “hey, I’ll pay you what you want and then $20,000-$100,000 extra”. It was hard. This happened for months and months as we waited upon and prayed to the Lord.
Then there was a property that came up on Saint Maries River Road, Saint Maries, ID. It was a stretch for our budget and was a little bit further south than where we were looking but checked all our boxes. We decided to wait on the Lord (which felt risky with things flying off the market within days and sometimes hours after being listed)and pray. We began praying expecting to see it pending before we ever got a chance to put a bid in. But then after a week or so, Ryan had a dream about standing in this specific house with an indescribable Spirit filled peace and rest flooding over him. So after praying for a couple weeks, we bit the bullet and tried yet again and put in an offer. And; Within a couple days we got on contract!
Ryan and I took a trip to go and check it out in person and for the week leading up to that trip I felt like sadness was following me everywhere I went. I just kept thinking of the movie Inside Out. The story is about a girl dealing with big emotions and each of those emotions having a person/animated character. The character Sadness was following me everywhere I went. I still wanted to go and obey but I think the reality of moving our family halfway across country was starting to hit; and I was counting the cost. We weren't leaving in hopes of a better life, we were leaving an incredible body and a home where the church had become family. We were moving in obedience and sometimes obedience can be hard. As we stepped into the vehicle to leave I heard the Lord whisper to me “I said Goodness and Mercy will follow you not sadness”.
I don’t always listen to that still small voice but it was such a comfort to me as we drove out of El Dorado, KS.
Moving forward, That trip sucked!!! We had so much trouble and so much warfare. We got to Saint Maries, Idaho and drive through the town and I am sobbing at this point and tell Ryan I can’t do it. It is just too much and too hard. I mean, Jesus will love me anyways, right? We drove through the town first and then went to the property. Miraculously as soon as I stepped foot onto the property my heart shifted from mourning to not just peace but to pure Joy! Only Jesus can do that!
Fast forward and we’re surrounded by such an out pouring of love from the body in Kansas. From helping packing, loading trucks, cleaning, meals brought, gifts, treats, offerings, going away parties, and more. It was all so much and daily we were loved on and blessed by the body of Jesus.
The Lord used that last month and spoke to us in testimony of the time we spent in Kansas. It is such a valuable part of our story. What a gift and we are so thankful that the body of Christ stays family forever.
We headed out for the long journey of moving our family of 9 half way across the US. We had two trucks pulling trailers, two 26 foot Penskes, and my van also pulling a trailer (not to mention 6 adults, 7 kids, 3 cats, 2 guinea pigs, a lizard and large dog.) Honorary mention to my SIL and brother for doing an excellent job and volunteering their vacation to drive those giant moving trucks! We made it in 3 long days. We were planning to sign papers when we got to Idaho to close but then things started falling apart. I won’t go into details but all stops were put on the closing. Not because of our side but some unsettled issues with property boundaries. We had just spent months preparing, hauled our family and all our belongings across the country and had no home. Thankfully we were allowed to unload our trucks on the property but were not given written permission to stay. We scrambled at about 9pm at night to find a place for us all to sleep. The next couple days were spent unloading all our stuff and getting animals settled and going back to the airbnb where we were sleeping, exhausted. We spent Thursday morning finishing unloading the last Penske and then took them to the drop off location(a little over an hour away). We also were saying our goodbyes to my Mom and Dad and brother and sister in-law (who were flying back).
I am not sure i can explain the grief I felt. I couldn’t eat at all that day. I had been choking back sobs all morning knowing that we would be saying goodbye to family and wouldn’t see them for a long time. My chest hurt from keeping it all in and trying not to lose it. When we said goodbye and drove away Ryan had to stop because I thought I was going to be sick. The goodbyes are always hard but knowing we had no place to call home and leaving everyone who has loved and cared for us to remain in what felt like being dropped in the middle of the forest with no where to sleep was too much. I sobbed the entire rest of the day. Our realtor who has worked so hard for us contacted Ryan and had gotten us another couple nights in the airbnb which was such a blessing but we still had no clue when we would finally be able to close. We couldn’t afford to just keep staying in hotels or airbnbs until it all got settled—which was looking like it could possibly drag on for weeks. We went to bed heavy hearted; I went to bed sobbing.
It was rough. I thought about Jesus a lot, about how He had to say goodbye to His mamma too; and HE did it for me! How Jesus didn’t have a pillow to lay His head on either. HE did it all to save me! I knew Jesus was worthy and I wanted to trust and follow Him.. We knew we were called to Idaho. Why was it so hard?
The next morning we called all the kids together to spend some time praying and surrendering it all to the Lord…Ryan talked about how the Lord allows us to go through things that are too much for us to carry on our own so that we will learn to depend fully on Him. I still had been unable to eat from fear, surrendering, grief, pain, heartache… all the things. I felt numb. I was repenting constantly in my heart for my lack of faith and asking for help to believe; but I couldn’t shake off the despair. We literally didn’t know where we would live and where our kids would sleep in the foreseeable future. We all gathered and prayed for a miracle. Ryan and I both just so heavy and tearfully pouring it all out before God and trying to be strong for our kids. After prayer we decided to go to the property for bit and just walk around and pray. As we began to walk, Peace slowly started pouring into our hearts—even though we didn’t see an end or any solution we could accomplish on our own. We were there for about 45 minutes and we got a message from our realtor that we should be able to sign today. Guys, this was a miracle! WE spent hours talking with neighbors but there was history between the neighbors going back decades. It was looking like it could be weeks or even longer until both parties settled allowing us too close. The fact that all parties involved signed the necessary documents that day was truly a miracle. We were able to get in last minute and sign our closing documents. The sellers realtor came up to us afterward and gave us a financial gift, she said it was to help us “feed our kids”. This stuff doesn’t just happen. HE loves us through the good, the bad, and the ugly.
But then….. Well, I wish we could say that all was well from there. I actually wrote this 6 months ago and am just now getting back to finish and update it-here is the “fill in the gaps” update
Somehow we signed closing documents, got copies and were set to start settling into our new home when everything was put on hold…
We were already halfway moved in and had to stop. We were staying in an airbnb. We were not sure what was going to happen. There was finally an agreement to let us have early occupancy; But it was over a month after we dragged our life, kids, and everything we knew across the country before we were able close on a house. There was so many days that we went through grief, anger, fear, trust, hope, and back again. I have never cried more in my life. We HAD TO die daily. It was brutal. At one point I sat in the title company’s office, sobbing as I told the agent I didn’t know where my kids would sleep that night. But every step of the way the Lord provided for us. We had to go through Egypt to get to the promised land. And Egypt and that wilderness were hard. It cost us thousands more; thousands of dollars, thousands of tears, thousands of prayers; But He never runs out on us. He never gives up on us. He never leaves us. He never forsakes us. HE is faithful. He provides. HE is GOOD.
The enemy has warred with plenty of attack since we’ve been here. He has tried to go after our home, our name, and our health. BUT WE STAND WITH THE KING of KINGS! God has never left us; and as much as the enemy attacked, GOD has sent revival and moved even more. HE already has conquered all.
Through a series of events and divine appointments we almost immediately were met with a couple families who were hungry for Jesus and waiting for His gathering of the body. It was like Jesus was saying, “look and see what I have planned!’ We didn’t have to advertise or go looking for church. He brought the church to us. We started house church a couple months ago and it was like out hearts went from mourning to gladness. PURPOSE. We knew we were where we were supposed to be. He filled in the gaps. HE has a plan. He is here.
Guys we went through the hardest things we have ever been through but we were able to feel the Presence of God and see miracles and love in the midst of the hard. I know that there will be gold come forth from every tear we cried.
I seen a quote the other day, It said-
“Make our Peace greater than our Pain so that our lives can glorify the Father like never before!”
This has been my prayer as we miss our families and friends and count the cost of our changing season and lives.
The Lord will turn your mourning into gladness but sometimes the Lord chooses to sit with us through it for a while. It’s not always gonna be roses and butterflies, double portions of favor, prosperity and or sugar coated favor from the world—sometimes it’s pain and sorrow that we have to walk through to receive the great gift of goodness and mercy on the other side. But the Lord will sit with us through it all comforting us and loving us even when we struggle with doubts and fears. Jesus endured the cross for the Joy that was set before Him. That Joy was being with the Father and fulfilling His purpose. Not to have an easier life. The Joy of being with the Father is set before us all. Praying we learn as a body to endure for the JOY that is set before us!
I pray you all know the depths of the Father’s love for you whether you are standing on the mountain tops or sitting with Him in valley where it feels like the shadows will overtake you…
HE IS WITH YOU!
