A lot has happened since then. We had 2 more babies and a house full of love and chaos. Everyone is growing and our 3 bedroom house is getting tight. We bought a craftsman house remodel a few years ago and are hopeful to be in it in a couple months. Ryan has worked tirelessly on his free time(what even is that?!?) as a labor of love to get us in it.
But this is not why I'm writing. I originally wanted to write about Olive's birth(for therapeutic reasons)but it takes a little bit of back story to our sweet Eleanor's arrival.
Eleanor Lou Hope-12/19/17
Eleanor(6th baby) was born 6 days before Christmas. Within the mix of the holidays and crazy seasons it was super hard transition for me. It was the hardest post pardon season I have ever had and I’ve had few. Ryan had to go back to work almost immediately and I was home with all 6 kids by myself pretty much from the time we left the hospital. On top of that you add in holiday madness with company and travel and all the things and it did not give me anytime to heal properly. It probably took me 3 months for body to heal from the inside out. But alas, she is worth it. She is a red headed beauty with dimples that slay me and enough balance of sweet and ornery that she will win the heart of anyone who knows her. She also started talking in full sentences around when she turned one. I will never forget the first sentence I heard her speak. I told her to throw something away and this little totting red head looks me straight in the eyes and says clear as day-“I don’t want to.” Haha, I was floored. Needless to say she has kept us busy ever since.
Back to Olive~
In preparation for Olivia, (whose due date was 5 days before Christmas) I poured every bit of my energy into preparing for her arrival. I honestly think I had some post traumatic stress rising up with having a baby in December. Again. Holidays can be stressful anyways but with adding another baby and still not feeling secure about the last, my head was spinning. Olive’s pregnancy flew by. I mean with 6 other kids, homeschooling, house keeping(which basically never ends when you keep all your people home with you all the live long day), in the midst of project house, owning a business, etc. etc. You get the gist. I just didn’t have the time to put into thinking about my ever expanding uterus. But come November I turned up those nesting gears and was determined to not let this baby season be like the last one. I had all my house decorated and Christmas planned, bought, and wrapped under the tree the week before thanksgiving. I was gonna be prepared. The pregnancy had been a healthy one and the time was flying by.
About a week before I had her I was at an OB appointment and began to have this panic attack. I realized that I have exhausted all my energy physically preparing for post pardon and haven’t once thought about the actual birthing of a baby and the emotional or spiritual significance of it. So I was laying on the table listening to this thud thud thud thud of this little baby’s heart I hadn’t really had time to think about because I was too busy getting prepared for after she gets here or keeping up with the rest of her siblings. I wonder if we ever do that to the Lord... Get too busy preparing and working on all the things, even the good things, that we forget to sit and think/ponder/abide in and just be with Him….
So as I am laying there in this routine visit and I hear the Spirit say this verse-{I lift my eyes unto the hills from where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the maker of Heaven and Earth.} I didn’t know where it was from so I looked it up right there as I listened to babies heart beat. Psalm 121!
I had just told the girls to memorize that psalm as I walked out the door as part of their school and hadn’t even looked it up myself to see what it was. I just knew it was a part of their christian studies homework. God is good. I began to pray that whole psalms. It's a good one. My heart shifted. I began instead of preparing for after this kid comes I began to give this kid to the Lord. I began to let the Lord work on my heart and prepare me spiritually for this birth. See we don’t just have a crap ton of kids for the fun of it, we prayerfully have given this area over to the Lord and when we feel like the Lord says its time to have another we give it to Him….
Fast forward to baby day……
I had started having signs that I was going to go into labor on Thursday(5th) and by the time Ryan came home I told him I was unsure of whether I should go to the hospital or try to go to bed. I didn’t want to go to bed just to get woken up an hour later so I decided to go to the hospital to be checked out. It felt different this time. I was laboring differently and pain was different and didn’t let up in-between contractions. I told Ryan to just stay home so we didn’t have to call our sitter in case they sent me home. I got checked in and was dilated to a 2 and they hooked me up to monitors. Everything looked great-baby and mommy and contractions were staying steady. I had been there a less than an hour when I started to feel sick. I stood up from the bed and immediately started throwing up. The nurse hooked me up again and checked me and I was at a 3. I was officially in labor!! She hooked me back to the monitors and then things started to get hairy. I almost immediately started running a fever and babies heart rate started to rise. They moved me into a labor room and continued to monitor me. Doc came in started me on antibiotics and they started monitoring baby closer. Around one my doctor told me of her concern for baby and I. With my fever and rising blood pressure and the babies heart rate she mentioned the thought of maybe having a C-section. She knew I had all my other kids with no problems and everyone was fighting for me to deliver naturally but she wanted to let me know the possibility and the risk. Things escalated pretty quickly after that. They tried internal monitoring of baby to get better readings and they put me on oxygen to see if that wold help, and ran a ton I.V. antibiotics and fluids through me but the baby and fever were just not steadying. She checked me one last time a couple hours later and I was at a 6! Progress. But not enough to change her mind that baby Olive needed to come out now. She had already assembled a team and they started preparing me. I had been praying scriptures and giving it all to the Lord since they stuck the oxygen mask on me. C-section wasn’t even in my radar nevertheless I had peace. The Lord had prepared for such a time as this. There were some overwhelming moments but I had peace. I held it together the whole time until they wheeled me to the O.R. Ryan had to stay behind until they prepped me. This is when it felt the most real and I didn’t have my partner. I started to cry as they transferred me to the table and began to hook me up to all the things. My doctor who has delivered the past 4 kids puts her hands on my cheeks and says, “You don’t worry about a thing, that baby is gonna come out screaming and we are gonna take care of you.” It was just the nurturing I needed. I’ve never wanted my mom more than at that moment but the Lord had me covered. I remember saying at one point that nothing makes you want your mom or baby more than an emergency surgery. But I just kept praying Psalm 121 and also saying over and over, “When I am afraid, I will trust in you.” I knew the Lord knew all of this before hand and went before us. They brought Ryan in and he sat by my head and was so sweet and comforting. Although I found out later that he was more terrified than I was. He thought I was going to die. I was in and out of consciousness the whole surgery. I just couldn’t keep my eyes open and Ryan didn’t know that was normal. I remember at one point waking up with him gentle slapping my cheek saying, “Becky, wake up, don’t do this to me.” Everyone was focused on the surgery and he was watching his wife fade in and out of consciousness. Makes me cry thinking about it now.
Baby Olive was delivered. The doctor said her head was tilted sideways and the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. This was the reason I wasn’t dialing faster and she wasn’t descending. I truly believe this was the Lord’s protection on us. He knew all these things and He knew what was best.
Baby was here and she came out crying. They sent Ryan with her to our room while they sewed/stapled/sutured/who knows what else…me back together. He told me later that someone said I would be about another 15 minutes but it wound up taking over 45. So he sat in our room alone with our newborn baby wondering if I was going to be ok and if he could raise them all without me.
Finally I was done and they brought me to the room. I got to hold our newborn baby about an hour after she was born. I was still numb and too weak to hold her but Ryan helped me. She came out perfect. No signs of distress after she was delivered. When I gained strength, she nursed like a champ. Life. Olivia was here. Our Olive Tree was here. The Lord had given me the name Olive and joy for her. Olive(meaning peace) and joy. Her entrance didn’t seem peaceful at any means from this world’s eyes but I will never forget the Peace that covered me through the scariest moments we’ve ever experienced.
We found out later that I had something called Chorioamnionitis which is a bacteria in the amniotic fluid. This can be very dangerous for mom and baby. Guys, I had zero symptoms before I went in to the hospital. If I was home I would have chalked up fever and vomiting to just a virus I got from my bajillion kids I had. My symptoms started within 30 minutes of me being there just to “get checked”. But because I came in and because they were watching and monitoring me they were able to start antibiotics right away and start watching me and treating baby Olive and I as necessary. How Good is our God!!! No, I didn’t want a C-section but He knew what we needed. I will never doubt that the Lord had his hand on Olive and me through it all. He taught me how to hang on to Peace in times of trouble. He taught me Joy comes from Him not from circumstances.
He has redeemed so much through this traumatic birth experience and I have a feeling I will be unpacking it for many weeks to come.
We are home now and although recovery is far more intense with a c-section, it has been so sweet to see the body gather around me bringing meals, gifts, gift cards, and just loving me and praying for us. I have felt the Lord’s love through everyone that has lifted us up one way or another. Ryan has been AMAZING and hasn’t left my side this whole week. Our marriage has grown so much through this process. It’s honestly been beautiful.
I guess overall I just wanted to point out in this hard thing that we walked though that Jesus was ever present and covering us. Ryan and I just had a conversation about how we can read every book about God and know all the scriptures but until we experience Jesus Himself in a personal way it’s nothing. And I am thankful that we got the opportunity to experience Jesus in a new way through this. He is real. He is good. He is faithful.
Little side note-
There are 2 times I remember crying from pain(publicly) in my adult life-the first time was when I had kidney stones…the second was the first time I got out of my bed after the c-section. C-section mommas out there, I have obtained a new respect for what you go through to bring life into this world. Oh sweet life.
I do covet your prayers as I am still healing and I also have a ton of kids and holidays coming up. I also still cry every time I tell the story and although I had peace through out it all, it was still traumatic and will take sometime for us to unpack it all in our minds.
Overall though I know to look unto the hills and where my help comes from, my help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth….and the maker of my Olive tree.
